A Mother's Tears

Always and Forever

2012-02-10T17:53:00.002-05:00

I had a feeling that my always and forever message I felt I received from Graham a few days ago (see post immediately below) would turn into a poem. I am pleased to say it did! Here is the poem with a picture of Graham and me taken on Mother's Day in 2006.

Imagine me as just around the corner,

Or in the room next door,

For I am here beside you,

Look for me no more.

You feel as if I have gone,

And in the physical sense this is true,

My body is no longer here,

But I am still with you.

You can feel me with each heartbeat,

And picture me in your mind,

Your thoughts bring me to you,

I can be with you at any time.

Do not hesitate to speak to me,

I hear everything you say,

We can still have conversations,

Every single day.

Hear me as I whisper,

Softly in your ears,

Love is always and forever,

Cry for me no tears.

Always and Forever message of love

2012-02-06T20:38:00.000-05:00

I had the most wonderful messages from my son, Graham, today! I am always amazed and grateful how our loved ones in spirit manage to get their messages across to us. I was at the mall. I entered the Hallmark store with the intention of buying a card. As I was walking to the card section I somehow noticed a mug. The mug caught my eye because it was white with the word Always written in red with a red heart beside it. I kept looking at it because the word Always is very significant to me. I have a personalized license plate on my car that says Always. I picked the mug up and was further surprised when I saw the inside of the mug was red with the word Forever written in white with a white heart beside it! As I was wondering about this I then realized the song playing in the store was "Somewhere Over the Rainbow!" I just started crying. There was no doubt that it was Graham letting me know that our love keeps us connected forever. It was so special with Valentine's Day around the corner. I feel another poem in the works. It will be called, "Always and Forever." Valentine love to us all and to our loved ones on the other side!

An Inexplicable Sign

2012-02-01T18:44:00.000-05:00

While driving one day a couple of years ago my husband wanted to play one of our CD's. We discovered there was a mix up. The wrong CD was in the case. When we got home we looked on our entertainment center shelf of CDs for the case for the CD. We couldn't believe it when we found it. The CD cover was really warped! There was no way for this to happen when it was on a shelf with our other CDs away from any heat sources. Why was it the particular case that we were looking for? There is no logical explanation for this. We feel the answer is definitely other worldly! Graham's way of saying, I'm here! Here is a picture of the cover.

Afterdeath communication stories web site

2012-01-27T18:38:00.003-05:00

http://www.heblewherakiss.com/

This site has some wonderful stories of people that have had beautiful experiences of connection with passed loved ones. They are inspiring and encouraging. I feel these kinds of experiences and stories are more helpful than any kind of therapy. We all long to know that our loved ones are still with us, only in a different way.

Hello from Heaven

2012-01-20T22:13:00.000-05:00

After our son, Graham, died my husband and my daughter worked for several days recording a compilation of his most played music from his iTunes play list. They ended up with six CD's. Graham had very eclectic taste in music. There was jazz, blues, alternative, classical, rock, American roots, country, etc. After Graham's funeral service many people came over to our house. We had Graham's music playing in the background. The music was all random. As people were leaving we were standing with some of his closest friends, who were the last to leave. It had gotten quiet as we said our goodbyes, when all of a sudden the song, "We'll Meet Again," by Johnny Cash started playing. My dad said the hair on his arms stood up! The perfect song at the perfect moment. It was amazing. There was no doubt that was from Graham. Here is the song with the beautiful message for us all to enjoy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-6cMQ6kBm0k

An Uninvited Guest

2012-01-16T09:05:00.000-05:00

Grief, an uninvited guest,
Came knocking at my door,
I was shocked when I was confronted,
With news I couldn’t ignore.

You must be horribly mistaken,
I wanted to say,
Surely it is somewhere else,
That you were going to stay.

Grief is not welcome here,
A guest I would never choose,
Incomprehensible to have a child,
To love and then to lose.

Your visit is beyond understanding,
You are not who I wanted to see,
I wish that I could lock the door,
And throw away the key.

You cannot come in here,
Go and leave me alone,
My son is the visitor,
That should be coming home.

My heart is breaking,
Please grief, just let me go,
This pain is almost unbearable,
More than I could ever think to know.

Uninvited and unwelcome,
Turn around and leave,
Why did you have to come,
And leave me here to grieve?

Bittersweet Christmas Memories

2012-01-12T18:48:00.000-05:00

The holiday decorations are being packed away,
Awaiting another Christmas day,
All the special ornaments from our tree,
Are in boxes surrounding me.

Sometimes I look at an ornament and smile,
Other times I see one and cry for a while,
Remembering each Christmas through the years,
As I sit alone with my tears.

I see my children’s faces filled with joy,
Excited with receiving a wished for toy,
A large building set or a lovely doll,
So many treasured moments to recall.

The years went by and the children grew,
And our family’s happiness grew too,
The holidays spent with us all together,
Were times we thought we’d share forever.

Precious memories, beautiful and sweet,
Of the years when our family was complete,
Vie with emotions of loss and pain,
For the years that now remain.

Our twenty-two year old son suddenly passed,
Who knew this happiness wouldn’t last?
As Christmases come one by one,
There’s a vital link missing without our son.

A Teleportation Sign

2012-01-07T10:02:00.002-05:00

Teleportation is defined as the transportation of objects from one location to another without passing through any of the points between them.

Here is the story of one of the most amazing signs my husband and I had from our son, Graham.

Graham liked bamboo plants. After he died I bought a bamboo plant to have in his bedroom upstairs at home. Every few days I would go into his room to water it. One day I noticed that one of the leaves was turning brown. I tried to pull it off, but it wouldn't come off. I realized that I would need scissors to cut it off of the plant, which were downstairs, so I decided to do it later.

The next morning when I came downstairs and pulled the computer desk chair out to check my email, the brown bamboo leaf was on the seat of the chair! I showed my husband the leaf on the chair and explained the story. It was hard to believe, but there was no logical explanation as to how this could be. We realized then that it was a sign from Graham, showing us that he stays close by.

Here is a link to a Facebook group about signs from our loved ones if you are interested - Signs From Our Loved Ones

A beautiful song-I Was Here

2012-01-03T18:36:00.003-05:00

This is a beautiful song with a wonderful message.
Beyoncé - I Was Here

Christmas Remembrances

2011-12-26T21:59:00.000-05:00

Graham is always with us.

Christmas Orbs

2011-12-22T20:23:00.003-05:00

Christmas Eve, 2008. This was 15 months after my son, Graham, died. I am looking at a Christmas gift with my daughter and son-in-law. When we looked at the picture we were amazed to see the orbs in it! I like to think that it was Graham letting his presence be known with his family on this special day. Here is a link for more information on orbs.
http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_are_orbs_in_digital_pictures

Candles in the Windows

2011-12-18T17:58:00.000-05:00

Christmas trees and festive lights,
Brighten up the December nights,
Multi-colored, white or blinking,
Everything appears to be twinkling.

My house has a lovely soft glow,
From candles in every window,
Welcoming in the light of Christ,
On each cold wintery night.

The candles also welcome my son,
Who is now a part of Heaven,
A message of love for those near and far,
With tiny flames like shining stars.

It’s a special way for me to say,
Love is what will show us the way,
The candles are a symbolic guide,
To all the love we hold inside.

A site with special scenes to use for your cherished photographs.

2011-12-17T22:13:00.004-05:00

http://imikimi.com

This is Christmas 2006. It was the last Christmas that I had with my son, Graham. I am very grateful to have this wonderful picture of the two of us. I love this Christmas scene that I found on imikimi to use with this photograph. Merry Christmas, Graham. You are forever by my side. I love you.

A Sign from Heaven?

2011-12-17T09:52:00.004-05:00

What a wonderful sign of continued love from a son for his grief stricken family! Our loved ones who have passed want us to know they are still with us. Love never ends.

Fallen Soldier Leaves a Puppy Behind - What Happens During this Interview is Unbelievable

2011 Worldwide Candle Lighting

2011-12-12T18:41:00.001-05:00

I read a poem of mine for our local Compassionate Friends chapter observance for the worldwide candle lighting December 11th. Our children's lights will shine forever.

2011-12-01T18:35:00.000-05:00

The holidays are very difficult for many people for many different reasons. For those grieving the loss of a beloved child there is a service of remembrance held each year in December to help parents during this especially painful time. It is The Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting, which will be held Sunday, December 11. Light a candle in precious memory of a child gone too soon. Our children's lights will shine forever. Click on the YouTube link below to hear a poignantly beautiful song and learn more about the candle lighting.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N1TDZWr_j_I&feature=player_embedded

Another Holiday

2011-11-26T19:59:00.003-05:00

We set a place for Graham at our Thanksgiving table and lit his special candle. He is always with us and forever in our hearts.

Another holiday, another year,
Another holiday without you here,
Our festive table was set with your place,
But we couldn’t see your treasured face.

Special candles were lit for you,
Your light shining in all we do,
Our family joined hands and said a prayer,
Wishing you were in the empty chair.

Your death has been a traumatic shock,
If only I could turn back the clock,
I would rewind to an earlier time,
When you were here alive and fine.

Holidays now have “in loving memory” parts,
Because you live forever in our hearts,
Cherished and loved more than I could ever say,
You are included on every special day.

Autumn Leaves

2011-11-23T21:08:00.002-05:00

The rusty hues of autumn leaves,
Are silently falling from the trees,
Their branches now are stark and bare,
In the cool crisp autumn air.

The summer has come and gone,
Time is inexorably moving on,
Seasons change and life changes too,
Sometimes I don’t know how I make it through.

The end of September my heart shattered and broke,
With the news I learned when I awoke,
My twenty-two year old son died during the night,
Slipping and falling from a great height.

The world keeps on turning,
And I can’t help yearning,
For a future I thought to see,
But was never meant to be.

I watch the leaves scatter and float to the ground,
As my tears fall without any sound,
Praying for strength to live well each day,
As time gradually slips away.

An Unknown Shore

2011-11-20T07:46:00.001-05:00

With your passing I am so bereft,
I feel like I have been set adrift,
On a raft in uncharted seas,
Searching for a place to be.

Several years have now gone by,
But every day I still cry,
When you left a part of me left too,
My heart broke when I lost you.

The taste of life is now bittersweet,
But my heart continues to beat,
Searching for an unknown shore,
Where we can be together once more.

How Far is Heaven

2011-11-17T18:39:00.000-05:00

I really like this song. I have it as the ring tone on my cell phone.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gaHwzkk6tOQ

Never Letting Go

2011-11-13T11:47:00.005-05:00

This is a very good book. Mark Anthony writes about healing grief with help from the other side. I liked it a lot. It's an easy read with comforting stories and helpful information. I am so happy a book like this is available. Never Letting Go, by Mark Anthony

In God's Hands

2011-11-08T20:15:00.001-05:00

You are in God’s hands now,
No longer in my own,
The most devastating lesson,
I could ever have known.

I did not want to release you,
A mother never does,
My hands still ache to hold you,
To guide and cherish and love.

Only you can truly know,
How I feel each day,
The depth of loss and longing,
Ever since you passed away.

I miss you every moment,
You are always in my thoughts,
There is nothing that I do,
In which you are not a part.

I cannot understand fully,
Life’s purpose or divine plan,
All I know is that I love you,
And you are in God’s hands.

Angelversary Dime

2011-10-30T16:38:00.000-04:00

I was buying flowers for my son’s resting place,
As tears were running down my face,
I kept thinking how it’s been four years,
Since the last time that he was here.

I walked out to my car to find,
A bright and shiny silver dime,
Beside my car’s front door,
Not something that I was looking for.

The date on the dime was 2007,
The year my son went to Heaven,
I knew this was a sign for me,
From my son for me to see.

A way of validating what was on my mind,
Acknowledging the four year length of time,
A message that was sent my way,
To help comfort on this difficult day.

I was amazed to receive this Heaven sent sign,
In the parking lot for me to find,
A message of love and continuing ties,
Tangible proof that love never dies.

Beautiful Memorial Ornaments

2011-10-27T18:34:00.004-04:00

These are lovely memorial ornaments. If you buy one you not only receive a beautiful personalized ornament, but you also help fund The Angels Across the USA ministry http://www.angelsacrosstheusa.com/.

Christmas Keepsake Special

DON'T MISS OUT... Place your order NOW to guarantee you receive your personalized holiday keepsakes in plenty of time to display and to give this Holiday Season (You must place your order by December 10th to ensure delivery by Christmas) SALE Buy 4 get one free (a total of $50 savings, shipping and handling included) mix & match items CALL DENISE AT 916-223-1781 to place your order today

By: Grief and Beyond

A song about signs

2011-10-25T19:13:00.006-04:00

I found this wonderful song about some of the signs our loved ones in spirit use to communicate with us. They want to comfort us in our grief and to show us they are still near. I love listening to this. I hope that you will like it too. It is so reassuring to receive these signs of continuing love and connection. Look and ask for signs from your loved ones.
Every Once in a While, by Cindy Campo

Ascension

2011-10-22T09:31:00.005-04:00

(Click on image for larger version.)

You slipped from this world sight unseen,
Lifted on silent angel wings,
Soaring in glorious celestial flight,
Through the darkness of the night.

Past a brilliant full moon on high,
The sky was beautiful the night you died,
The stars were sparkling, the air was clear,
But in a moment you were no longer here.

Lovingly held, you were flown away,
It was not meant for you to stay,
I don’t know the why of this,
But know you dwell in Heavenly bliss.

The world is no longer the one I knew,
I always thought I’d be with you,
I pray for help to carry on,
For my heart is broken with you now gone.

Rainbow

2011-10-19T20:25:00.005-04:00

Just over a month ago I saw an amazing "rainbow bridge" in the sky from my backyard. Last week I saw this rainbow from my parents backyard when I was visiting. Yesterday I was watching "Dancing With the Stars" on TV. The Band Perry performed their hit song, "If I Die Young." This is a verse from that song:

"Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother,
She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors..."

I am grateful for these rainbow messages!

Never say goodbye...

2011-10-18T18:54:00.001-04:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F63QbAuBrO4

Train - this ain't goodbye

www.youtube.com

this ain't goodbye lyrics

Angels Across the USA Event in Northern Virginia

2011-10-16T09:56:00.000-04:00

The Bereaved Parents of the USA Northern Virginia Chapter hosted The Angels Across the USA workshop and concert yesterday in Lorton. It was held at the beautiful and historic Pohick church. This was an intimate setting with lovely people all connected by hearts that have suffered great loss. It was a wonderful healing event and a video was made that will allow Alan and Denise to bring their grief ministry to groups across the country that they would be unable to reach in person.

October 15, 2011

Claire Stevenson listening to Alan as he talks about healing guilt and regret

By: AngelsAcross Theusa

Memorial Vase

2011-10-14T21:38:00.006-04:00

I found this memorial vase on line. I have it and think that it is very special. I am sharing the web site for any one who might also be interested in having a memorial vase. http://www.terrysvillage.com/memorial-vase-a2-91_5822.fltr?prodCatId=163832&tabId=1

Angelic Vision

2011-10-06T20:46:00.001-04:00

I posted this same picture with my Rainbow Bridge poem last month, shortly after it was taken. After contemplating the significance of this beautiful message in the sky I wrote another poem. Here is my latest poem with the angel clouds picture again.

A rainbow’s promise and angelic love,
Shown to me in the sky above,
I gazed in wonder at the clouds of white,
Amazed to see this glorious sight.

Two angel shaped clouds with a rainbow in between,
A bridge of colors to be seen,
Rays of aqua, violet, and blue,
So lovely and luminous to view.

Was this a heavenly message for me,
A promise of things yet to be?
I long to cross this rainbow bridge,
To understand the life I live.

Loving angels are guiding my way,
I am listening to hear what they say,
Love is the beacon, the heart connection,
That shines the light on new direction.

Bereaved Parents of the USA newsletter

2011-10-01T20:51:00.002-04:00

The Bereaved Parents of the USA has a free national quarterly newsletter that's distributed by email and is also available online. This is another helpful resource for the grieving. My "Doves of Hope" poem that I wrote after the dove release at the national conference is in the latest issue. Here's the link to subscribe or to read online: http://www.bereavedparentsusa.org/BP_NatlNews.htm

Angel of Light

2011-09-26T19:55:00.000-04:00

I just wrote a poem for this beautiful angel tapestry we bought a couple of months ago. I love looking at the tapestry and thinking about the message it conveys.

A lovely angel of heavenly light,
Is on our tapestry to view in delight,
She has golden wings and a golden crown,
Dressed in a white flowing gown.

Beside the angel are seven sweet doves,
Attracted by her angelic love,
In one hand she holds a candlestick,
Light emanating from its wick.

She appears to beckon, as if to say,
Come with me, I’ll guide your way,
Up the steps and through the arched door,
Come with me, there is so much more.

I enjoy having this tapestry to see,
A beautiful image of promise to be,
No hint of shadows or darkness is there,
Only light and love and heavenly care.

Windows to the Soul

2011-09-23T21:16:00.000-04:00

Mesmerizing sky blue eyes,
Ageless, deep, and very wise,
My young son, but an old soul,
Who was here briefly to love and know.

Eyes are the windows to the soul they say,
Reflections of inner realms at play,
I understand this now much more,
Than I ever did before.

Why did you have to leave,
For me to remember and to grieve?
What mysteries can you now share,
With your knowledge from over there?

You opened my heart like a flower in full bloom,
But you left far too soon,
My heart grieves and mourns your passing,
But our love is everlasting.

Love transcends space and time,
Written as an eternal rhyme,
I am grateful and very blessed,
For the time you were here with us.

Four Years

2011-09-20T18:52:00.000-04:00

A few days ago my husband and I went to the Quantico National Cemetery where Graham is buried. We placed these flowers on his grave. In two more days it will be 4 years since he died. It is a very difficult week. I miss my son more than I could ever say.

I am at the cemetery today,
Placing flowers upon your grave,
It’s been four years now since you passed,
Four years ago when I saw you last.

I long to see you once again,
I miss you son, my heart, my friend,
The tears are running down my cheeks,
I feel emotionally drained and weak.

Your gravesite is not where I ever thought to be,
With only your name and dates to see,
Marking the anniversary of the day you died,
And another year that I have cried.

Angels Across the USA newsletter

2011-09-17T21:57:00.002-04:00

This month Angels Across the USA has issued their first of what will be a monthly newsletter. Angels Across the USA is a bereavement ministry of Alan and Denise Pedersen. The newsletter is filled with information to educate and inspire all who are working their way through grief. I was honored to have one of my poems in this first newsletter. Here is the link if you would like to learn more about Angels Across the USA and to sign up for the free newsletter.
http://www.angelsacrosstheusa.com/

Little Angel

2011-09-13T19:20:00.000-04:00

October is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month. On October 1st a memory walk for the many brief lives lost will be held near where I live. I am pleased to be a part of this special event. I am going to read this poem I wrote for all little angels and their parents, from my mother's heart to theirs. Bless us all.
http://llost.kintera.org/faf/home/default.asp?ievent=488825

Rock-a-bye sweet baby,
In the angels’ arms,
Lovingly held and sheltered,
Safe from any harms.

I long for my arms to hold you,
There is such an empty place,
I was counting every day,
Until I’d see your little face.

You were growing within me,
With all my love and care,
I was anticipating our life together,
And everything we’d share.

I bought you baby blankets,
Adorable clothes and tiny shoes,
Your room was freshly painted,
All waiting just for you.

We had your name selected,
From within our family tree,
Another generation to cherish,
We were awaiting joyously.

I loved you every moment,
You were nestled beneath my heart,
I’ll remember you forever,
And all the dreams you were a part.

Laugh and play in Heaven,
Nurtured by a divine hand,
Feel my love surround you,
As I struggle to understand.

Thank-you darling angel,
For however brief the time,
That I was blessed to have you,
My precious baby mine.

Second Annual Afterlife Awareness Conference

2011-09-05T14:58:00.000-04:00

The second annual Afterlife Awareness Conference-2012 will be held in Virginia Beach in March. I attended the 2011 conference in Phoenix last year. It was very worthwhile. This second conference promises to be even better. Here is the information if you are interested in attending. There are several different areas of afterlife awareness offered to explore. I am looking forward to this event!
http://www.regonline.com/builder/site/Default.aspx?EventID=975447

Rainbow Bridge

2011-08-31T19:53:00.002-04:00

Today my husband and I were out on our deck. We were so surprised when we happened to look up at the sky and noticed an upside down rainbow between two clouds! We've never seen an upside down rainbow, or a rainbow just between two clouds. It was also unexpected because it hadn't rained. Look at this amazing photograph. I think the clouds look like angels. I believe this is a message validating my Rainbow Bridge poem that I wrote a couple of years ago that is at the beginning of my book!

I’m going to meet you halfway, Graham, come take my hand,
I’m walking steadily toward the Promised Land,
I won’t let you leave me, I’m not far behind,
You are with me always, son of mine.

One foot in Heaven, and one foot on Earth,
I straddle both worlds now, a totally new turf,
Like a rainbow’s promise on a distant ridge,
Let us join together and make a bridge.

Amazing Communication

2011-08-24T18:17:00.004-04:00

I am posting an email, with River's permission, to share the amazing after-death communication that she received from my son! I met River at the Bereaved Parents national conference last month. She was one of the authors and workshop presenters. River has written the most beautiful, profound little book. It is called, "Morgan's List." She wrote it for her 7 year old niece who was dying from cancer. I highly recommend it to everyone. It is also a story of the individual lists that we create to learn from in this lifetime. I cry every time I read it. I was so comforted by this email, and hope that you will be too. I knew as soon as I read it that she had received a message from Graham - he loves to communicate through electricity, letting us all know that he is still here. I love the messages and signs that our loved ones give to let us know they are always with us. Here is her email:

Hi Claire Ann,
Thank you for sending the photo. It came out really nice! And thank you so much for giving me a copy of your book! I read it on the plane ride home. I cried many times in the beauty of it. The poems are beautiful. There is a sweetness and purity to them. Just lovely.

I was sharing the book and the story of your son to friends this weekend that were visiting from out of town. It was late at night, and just when I got to the part about the poems being divinely inspired, and sent from your son, the walkie-talkie that the children had been playing with that afternoon started ringing in the kitchen!!! It rang like it does when the other unit is calling (the other unit was OFF), and then there was lots of static and a broken up voice echoing in my kitchen! My friends were immediately panicked...I got chills and started laughing in delight! Spirit can be in a jillion places at once, so.......perhaps your son goes where your book goes, and he was just saying hello!

Hope things are well with you. Thank you for adding my book to your blog site. It can be ordered through my website http://www.butterflymoonpublishing.com.

Take care.
Love,
River

In the Garden of What Might Have Been

2011-08-19T22:01:00.002-04:00

In the garden of what might have been,
I could get lost in regret and remember whens,
The landscape would remain barren and bleak,
With nothing of color to speak.

That would not celebrate your life while here,
The happiness in every precious year,
Or acknowledge the beauty we were shown,
In the love we were blessed to have known.

I’ve been on my knees in the depths of despair,
But you come to me in my anguished prayers,
Comforting and reassuring me,
That death is not a finality.

I want a garden of wondrous splendor,
With all the love and joy I remember,
Where flowers grow in brilliant profusion,
Showing all that death is an illusion.

Glorious colors as far as the eye can see,
Blooming in magnificent variety,
The air is fragrant with their mingled scents,
Filling my being with all that you meant.

Your garden of love now blooms in my heart,
Nurtured by knowing we are never apart,
I have been opened to new possibility,
By unconditional love and your legacy.

Claire Ann

2011-08-14T21:09:00.003-04:00

I want to share this amazingly beautiful poem that my dear friend, Vivian West, wrote for me. I met Vivian five years ago. She lost a treasured daughter, Kathy, several years prior to my meeting her. Unbelievably, a year and a half later my precious son, Graham, died. Our friendship has gone to a whole different level with the shared anguish of losing a beloved child. What a blessing she is to me. I don't believe that it is a coincidence that we are in each others lives. The lovely rose with this poem was painted by a special friend of Vivian's, Anne Higgins. I treasure this poem and our friendship.

Blog Talk Radio interview

2011-08-10T19:32:00.002-04:00

Hi Everyone! I will be on The Ron Villano Radio Show Monday August 22nd at 10am!! I will be discussing my journey as a grieving parent, and my book, "A Mother's Tears-Poems of Heartbreak, Loss, and Discovery."

Please listen in at www.BlogTalkRadio.com/RonVillano or you can call in to the show at 1-646-929-0649.

The show will be archived so you will be able to listen to it at any time.

Still Here

2011-08-07T16:37:00.001-04:00

I am enjoying fresh flowers in my home today,
Lovingly placed in a vase to display,
Beside the candle I lit for you,
With your picture and my poem on it too.

The poem is entitled “Heartsong,”
Describing how you will always belong,
Life is not about letting loved ones go,
We honor and remember in ways we can show.

I played some music and in thought held you near,
Feeling your presence because you’re still here,
Love is the power that gives life over death,
Our hearts know this with every breath.

Rest in peace beloved one,
You shine as brightly as the sun,
Lighting a trail for all to see,
Along the path of eternity.

Doves of Hope

2011-08-04T20:27:00.002-04:00

The Bereaved Parents USA National Gathering was this past weekend in Reston,Virginia. The last morning we followed a bagpiper outdoors for a dove release. It was beautiful to see the doves in flight. I was thinking about what doves represent and wrote this poem. My husband took this picture at the dove release.

A dule of lovely snow white doves,
Soaring in the sky above,
Released in honor of our daughters and sons,
Who now reside in Heaven.

Messengers of joy, love, and peace,
Help us find the comfort we seek,
Symbols of triumph of life over death,
A hope we believe until our last breath.

As we watch the doves in flight,
Although tears may blur our sight,
We send our love and gratitude,
To our children beyond a sky of blue.

Fly doves, above the clouds on high,
Our love for our children will never die,
We celebrate their love and life,
Until the day we reunite.

"Angel of Light" tapestry

2011-07-23T21:26:00.002-04:00

We just bought this beautiful angel tapestry. It's called "Angel of Light." We hung it up today and took this picture of it. When we looked at the picture on our computer we saw a small orb in it! The orb is toward the bottom of the picture above the ottoman. I love when we are shown that our Heavenly helpers are always with us!

Monumental Journey of the Heart

2011-07-17T21:03:00.000-04:00

The theme for the Bereaved Parents of the USA National Gathering this year is "a monumental journey of the heart." We are decorating hearts to display in the memorial area of the conference for our children. This is the heart my husband and I did for Graham. The verse at the bottom is from one of my poems. Graham, our bright and shining star. We love you now and forever.

Calling All Angels

2011-07-12T19:40:00.002-04:00

Train - Calling All Angels Video I had so many signs today. One of them was finding a feather right in front of me as I was walking in a parking lot. When I was driving home this song came on the radio! Thank you angels...

Bereaved Parents National Gathering

2011-07-09T19:21:00.000-04:00

This is the memorial page that we've done for Graham that will be in the program for the Bereaved Parents of the USA national gathering. It will be held in Reston, VA the end of this month. It's not too late to register if you would like to attend. http://www.bereavedparentsusa.org/Gathering.html Come for a weekend of sharing and caring. A place where no words need to be said, for all share your broken heart and understand. Find comfort and support in healing workshops and inspirational speakers. The conference will end with a dove release on Sunday.

Beyond the Veil

2011-07-05T18:41:00.000-04:00

How wonderful it must be,
To return to pure energy,
Unencumbered, happy and free,
Having shed the earthly body.

No more physical aches or pains,
Heartache, resentments or emotional strains,
Only love and joy prevail,
When we move beyond the veil.

Reconnected to our source and shown,
All the answers we longed to have known,
Beyond the ego and multi-dimensional,
Able to see our greatest potential.

While in the body here on earth,
Experiencing the years from our birth,
It’s hard to see past the illusion and live,
With the greater wisdom that is God’s to give.

Open my heart and my mind,
So while I’m here I may find,
Strength from Spirit to understand,
My soul’s purpose and divine plan.

Into the Light

2011-06-26T21:08:00.002-04:00

Life has many mysteries I long to have revealed,
Teachings and truths that seem concealed,
Traveling through time we gradually see,
What we thought was hidden has been waiting to be freed.

It’s our vision that changes,
When perception rearranges,
For when we start to awaken,
Old thoughts and views are shaken.

Mysteries suddenly become more clear,
When we listen with a divine ear,
We learn the greatest teaching hides in plain sight,
Love is what brings us all to the Light.

Happy Father's Day

2011-06-19T10:47:00.001-04:00

This is a picture I took of my husband with our children in the summer of 2006. Graham only had one more Father's Day with us after this picture. We miss you, Graham, every day. Thank you for making Father's Days so special. We love you.

Butterflies and Dragonflies basket

2011-06-10T20:15:00.000-04:00

I have been collecting items with butterflies and dragonflies on them for a themed basket. The basket is for the silent auction/raffle that will be held at the Bereaved Parents of the USA national conference next month in Reston - http://www.bereavedparentsusa.org/Gathering.html. A dear and talented friend artistically arranged the items in the basket and beautifully wrapped it. Here is a picture of the basket.

Searching for You

2011-06-03T21:46:00.000-04:00

Lord, hear my heartfelt soul's lament,
I fear my tears will never be spent,
Aching, soul-deep despair and sorrow,
It’s so hard to care about tomorrow.

True agony of the soul,
What now will be my goal?
No longer will there be,
The plans and dreams I hoped to see.

I still look for you each day,
How could you have passed away?
I look for you in the house and yard,
Nothing I could imagine would be this hard.

Without the sense that you are here,
Only in a different sphere,
The pain would be much too deep,
For my soul to ever keep.

Stay always by my side,
A loving, helpful spirit guide,
And when my time here has passed,
Together we will be at last.

Unsatisfying Phrases

2011-05-28T18:33:00.000-04:00

“He's in a better place,”
As if that can erase,
The loss of a loved one's sweet embrace,
Or the sight of that precious face.

“We can't know,”
Goes to show,
How little these phrases satisfy,
We do want to know, why?

Consciousness risen,
Answers be given,
To the journey of a soul,
This is my goal.

With an open heart and an open mind,
I pray that I may find,
What was lost,
At the greatest cost.

To be able to release,
And to find the peace,
The comfort, the surety,
That all is as it's meant to be.

Always

2011-05-23T10:16:00.003-04:00

This picture of Graham, me, and his grandmother (my mother) was taken at VCU's Spring Exhibition for the graphic arts majors. Graham had several posters on display.

If home is where your heart is,
Then my home is far away,
Because my heart went with you,
The day you passed away.

In the kingdom of Heaven,
Is where my heart now resides,
Because it beats with yours forever,
With all the love I hold inside.

No one could love you more than I do,
Remember, I used to tell you so,
There is no stronger bond of love,
Than a mother and child can know.

I miss you here beside me,
The calls we made each day,
I would give anything,
To hear what you have to say.

Your funny observations,
Your serious, probing thoughts,
Your clever witticisms,
All are missed a lot.

The joy of seeing you marry,
To have children of your own,
Are no longer possible,
For you have gone back home.

I mourn your crossing over,
That it was your earthly time to die,
I know you are happy in Heaven,
But I still can’t help but cry.

You are flying freely now,
There is nothing to weigh you down,
In many ways you show me,
That you are still around.

I loved being your mother,
Thank you for being my son,
You are with me always,
Forever we are as one.

The Bigger Picture

2011-05-13T21:47:00.002-04:00

If I live the average number of years,
Calculated while I am here,
I am already two-thirds through,
With what I came here to do.

It gives one pause upon reflection,
Because there’s so much to question,
Has the life you’ve lived so far,
Positively defined who you are?

Have you fulfilled your hopes and dreams?
Are you happy with what you’ve done and seen?
Have you tried your very best,
So in contentment you may rest?

We must pray for God’s love and light,
To help us to keep shining bright,
It’s easy to become disillusioned,
And to live in a state of confusion.

When life doesn’t go as you planned,
It’s so hard to understand,
You realize there’s so much we don’t know,
And that we really have little control.

The picture is much bigger than we can see,
In the plan of eternity,
There is no timeframe for a soul,
Only one consistent goal.

That is to experience, learn and grow,
So that we eventually come to know,
The sacred breath of life,
That unites us all in Heaven’s light.

Mother's Day 2011

2011-05-08T11:04:00.000-04:00

I'm blessed to be able to share this Mother's Day weekend with my mother and dad.

Count your blessings large and small,
Be thankful for them all,
A beautiful day, a note from a friend,
Your pet’s happy greeting, the list never ends.

The love of your family, a baby’s smile,
So many things make life worthwhile,
When at night you go to bed,
Make a list inside your head.

What did your day bring?
Think of any positive thing,
Let the shadows move and pass,
Dark clouds do not always last.

Look for the sun, for it will rise,
Let no negative visions obscure the eyes,
Ask for any Heavenly help,
To move beyond thoughts of self.

Cherish every happy memory and know,
That we are here to learn and grow,
And that if we walk each day in love,
All our needs will be taken care of.

Arizona Trip

2011-05-05T20:48:00.001-04:00

I spent my birthday flying to Arizona. My husband and I spent the weekend at an Afterlife Awareness conference. It was very interesting. The best part of the conference were the people attending. It turns out that three quarters of the attendees were parents that had lost children. You could feel the love.
When the conference was over we drove to Sedona for a couple of days. What a beautiful place! There really is a special feel to it. Here are a couple of pictures we took at an amazing little church, the Chapel of the Holy Cross just outside Sedona, where I lit a candle for Graham.

Easter 2011

2011-04-24T19:22:00.000-04:00

We had a lovely Easter weekend at our home with family. We also went to the cemetery and left an Easter lily at Graham's grave site. We used this poem by Helen Steiner Rice as part of our reading before Easter dinner. http://www.rabbitsabc.com/poems/helen-steiner-rice-1.html
Here are a few pictures.

On My Knees

2011-04-20T19:07:00.000-04:00

We bought this angel statue for Graham's birthday last month. I was thinking about putting it in our yard, but decided to use it indoors instead. Shortly thereafter, my husband and I bought the fountain and placed it with the statue, then added the plants and the candle. It somehow evolved into this indoor grotto. We love the feeling of serenity this area gives. The water is soothing to hear. We draw comfort from this little spiritual oasis of love.

Brought to my knees,
With agonizing need,
When the world without,
Turned to darkness and doubt,

No place to hide,
I went inside,
Desperate for my pain to ease,
And for faith in which to believe.

I prayed to God,
I cried so hard,
Why is my child dead?
It should be me instead.

With God’s love and Heavenly help,
Move me beyond thoughts of self,
To see the greater picture and plan,
So I might come to understand.

Let me feel your Divine love,
With all comfort from above,
To replace my anguish and grief,
With the peace that I seek.

Internet Talk Radio Show Interview

2011-04-16T22:27:00.002-04:00

I was Carolyn Bookout's guest today on her Internet radio show, "Focus Factor." It will play again Thursday night (links below) at 10 Eastern time. The show will also be archived for replay on Contact Talk Radio. I've been listening to various shows on Contact Talk Radio for the past three years, and found them very helpful and informative.

Carolyn Bookout - Join me at http://www.contacttalkradio.com
on Saturday at 10am PDT (1pm EDT) and Thursday at 7pm PDT (10pm EDT) to hear Claire Ann Stevenson discuss her book "A Mother's Tears". Find out how the loss of a cherished son brought her on a path through grief to hope. Visit her blog at amotherstears.blogspot.com
Internet Talk radio-Internet- talk radio - Contact Talk Radio - Internet Talk Radio- -Talk Radio Show
http://www.contacttalkradio.com
CONTACT Talk Radio Network: A media platform that presents cutting edge information geared toward spirituality,business, health, environmental issues and activism; connecting listeners with tools that assist them in making educated and empowered decisions.

Clip from an interview about a show that I was on

2011-04-15T18:55:00.004-04:00

Kay VanHoesen, founder of Here Women Talk radio, was interviewed on a television station in her area. She mentioned one of the shows on her site. It was the "Rivers of Faith"show that I was on with Donna Tyson. Here is a clip of her interview.

"Rivers of Faith" wth Donna Tyson [HQ]

Here Women Talk founder Kay Van Hoesen talks about "Rivers of Faith" hosted by Donna Tyson (airs every Tuesday, 11am-12pm EST) at www.HereWomenTalk.com (this video is part of a January 2011 interview with a local TV program)

Length: ‎1:33

A Mother's Tears-More book news

2011-04-10T16:48:00.000-04:00

I was honored to find out a few days ago that my book, A Mother's Tears, will be available for sale in the bookstores at two national conferences this summer - The Compassionate Friends, and Bereaved Parents of the USA. I will be attending the Bereaved Parents conference and signing my books while there. Both venues offer hope and healing to grieving hearts. I hope to see many of you there! Here are links for conference information:

http://www.compassionatefriends.org/news_events/tcf_national_conferences.aspx

http://www.bereavedparentsusa.org/Gathering.html

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

2011-04-04T19:13:00.001-04:00

This is a great picture of Graham (and George Mason) taken in Washington, D.C. Graham and his dad had a great father/son day walking all over and seeing the sights. It's a wonderful memory for my husband. We miss Graham so very much, and cherish the time we had together. Forever our son...

My son’s death leaves such a hole,
I feel so lost without my role,
As his mother and his friend,
Will my heartache ever end?

One step forward, two steps back,
Will I ever get back on track?
Help me to find my stride,
With divine love and comfort guide.

Pick me up when I fall,
I want to stand straight and tall,
I know you don’t want me on the ground,
With tears of anguish the only sound.

Give me strength to carry on,
These days seem far too long,
I hope in victory we will meet,
Not in agony and defeat.

A Birthday That Won't Be

2011-03-30T05:50:00.000-04:00

This picture was taken on Graham's 21st birthday. He and our daughter, Laura, both came home to celebrate their birthdays together. They were both born in March. My parents came over too. We all went out to a restaurant for dinner, then came back home for cake and ice cream. It was a special, memorable day. Little did we know that we would have only one more birthday with Graham. We love you, Graham, and miss you more than we could ever say. Happy birthday to you in Heaven. Save a place for us.

Twenty-six years ago today,
Was our son’s birthday,
The thirtieth of March in 1985,
Was the special day that he arrived.

What a day of wondrous joy,
To give birth to our precious boy,
We had a daughter and now a son,
What a feeling of perfection.

Almost four years ago our son passed away,
On a beautiful September day,
The moon was full, the stars were bright,
As he was walking enjoying the night.

A freak accident, in seconds he was dead,
What words can ever be said?
Twenty-two years full of adventure and life,
Were suddenly gone, as cut with a knife.

All the years of love and devotion,
Disappeared, like the tides in an ocean,
I am left floundering on the shore,
Wondering what I am here for.

Searching for answers, searching for peace,
Praying at some point this pain will cease,
Remembering a birthday that won’t be,
Is still unbelievable to me.

In loving memory of Graham - my new license plate.

2011-03-27T18:38:00.000-04:00

Across Dimensions

2011-03-22T20:25:00.000-04:00

If mediums can talk to you,
I should be able to,
No one could be closer,
To you than your mother.

I long to consciously communicate,
No matter how long it will take,
I am working hard each day,
Searching to find the way.

If everything is energy,
Vibrating at different frequencies,
I know it’s possible to tune in,
The secret is to go within.

I now see the world with different eyes,
There is so much more to realize,
The here and now is much too small,
To ever be able to explain it all.

To see, touch, hear, taste, and smell,
Are all very well,
But there are other senses to uncover,
Intuition and psychic abilities to discover.

Looking for messages and signs,
Tuning in to the divine,
I know you watch and wait for me,
Until I am able to see.

What has always been right here,
When we move beyond our fear,
I am coming, it won’t be long,
The bond of love is much too strong.

To ever keep us far apart,
Because you beat within my heart,
Two hands reaching across dimensions,
With love and joy beyond comprehension.

Happy St. Patrick's Day, Graham!

2011-03-17T06:09:00.000-04:00

This picture was taken on St. Patrick's Day in 2006. Graham put on this St. Patrick's Day hat that I had for a decoration and held up his bottle of beer for a funny picture. I always make corned beef and cabbage and Irish soda bread every year for St. Patrick's Day. Graham always enjoyed this meal. It's another occasion that brings mixed feelings with it. I wish that Graham could be sharing this day and meal with us again. Always in our hearts, our precious son.

The Little Things

2011-03-14T18:50:00.002-04:00

Notice the little things in life each day,
Gratefully acknowledge and praise,
As your day is about to begin,
Focus on what matters and go within.

Take pleasure in being alive,
We are not meant just to survive,
Smile at the people you see,
Be as pleasant as you can be.

Do you know someone who is sad?
Be thoughtful and help them to feel glad,
Kind words and good deeds,
Mean so much when you’re in need.

Be a mentor, be a friend,
Help a broken heart to mend,
Move beyond yourself,
Reach out and be a help.

Thank God for blessings large and small,
With humble acceptance for them all,
In all hardships and terrible pain,
Strive to find the greater gain.

With Divine love and spiritual light,
Comfort and keep our spirits bright,
Fill our hearts with joy and love,
With heavenly blessings from above.

A Meaningful Day

2011-03-06T09:11:00.001-05:00

I had a meaningful day yesterday. The grief workshop was well-attended and I and the other panel members were able to have a very helpful interchange with the audience concerning the grief process. It was also good talking with the people I met at my book signing afterward.

Dance With the Divine

2011-03-02T09:22:00.000-05:00

I want to dance with life's melody,
In perfect joy and harmony,
No discordant notes to hear,
Just lovely music in my ear.

With the rhythm I will flow,
Twirling and bending as I go,
Gracefully moving, in perfect accord,
With the steps I came here for.

In attunement with the divine,
Aware that everything is by design,
The strains of love will always play,
To gently lift my cares away.

Grief Workshop and Book Signing

2011-02-25T18:29:00.000-05:00

I will be a participant in a panel presentation for the Mary Washington Healthcare Grief 101 workshop on Saturday, March 5 (3:00 to 4:00). The topic will be "Picking up the Pieces: Hope is not Lost," and the panel will share their experiences of grief and what has given them hope since their loved one died. I will also be doing a book signing following the workshop. Everyone interested is invited to attend the workshop and book signing. The location is Joseph-Beth Booksellers behind the Spotsylvania Mall (the address is Joseph-Beth Booksellers, The Village at Spotsylvania Towne Centre, Fredericksburg, VA, 22407). If you plan to attend the workshop, please register with Diane Ebenal of Mary Washington Hospice by email at diane.ebenal@mwhc.com or by calling 540-741-2377.

Give Me Strength

2011-02-20T19:59:00.005-05:00

Last week I was surprised after a visit to our ER to discover that I required a hospital stay. I ended up needing surgery. The night before my operation I was apprehensive and started crying. I got out my pen and paper and started writing. This is what I wrote, a prayer. I read this many times before I went into surgery the next morning and felt relatively calm. My surgery went well and I am making good progress in recovering.

Tired and weary, scared and sad,
I don’t want to feel this bad,
Emotionally I’ve plumbed the depths,
When I lost my son to death.

Now I face physical pain,
To have my health back again,
Tomorrow will be my surgery,
I pray it goes successfully.

Heavenly helpers one and all,
Hear my heart’s call,
I place myself within your hands,
Surrendering to what is planned.

Come and stay close to me,
Sheltering and supporting protectively,
With your love and healing rays,
Give me strength for upcoming days.

Love Is Forever

2011-02-14T10:40:00.000-05:00

Rainbows and blossoms, and butterfly wings,
In the air the mockingbirds sing,
Signs and messages sent with your love,
Comfort for me from Heaven above.

Our love is timeless, forever and true,
You are present in all that I do,
In my mind, and safe in my heart,
Gone, but never truly apart.

Happy Valentine’s Day, Graham

Bridging the Gap

2011-02-08T20:03:00.001-05:00

Even with knowing that all is one,
I just want to see my son,
I know that death is only a transition,
But while on earth I desperately miss him.

Help me to bridge this gap,
To move beyond ego's trap,
The mind is what keeps us apart,
Oneness comes from the heart.

My heart has been broken,
It is torn and open,
I am learning as I process my grief,
But every day I still weep.

Love is the vehicle for our soul,
It is in love that we grow,
The past is memory, the future is imagination,
Today is our creation.

I want to move beyond this 3-D world,
To see my spiritual gifts unfurl,
To find inner purpose and meaning in life,
Being happy despite all strife.

No Crybabies

2011-02-03T20:14:00.001-05:00

Graham worked one summer at a graphic design business that made vinyl graphics for vehicles and businesses. One business owner wanted to have a sign that said " No Crybabies" on his entry door. Graham designed this sign for him. This business is on a road I drive on most every day. I look at the door each time I pass by, and think of my beloved Graham.

I often see the Pro-Trucks store,
With the graphic you designed on their door,
The graphic that reads,
"No Crybabies."

I was thinking,
(As I was weeping),
That I must be strong,
But this road is long.

With many downs and ups,
I feel as if I am on the cusp,
Of a different direction,
A course correction.

Is your graphic a message for me,
A reminder of what not to be?
I want to laugh and to smile,
Knowing every moment we shared was worthwhile.

That no matter the length of time,
I was blessed to call you mine,
I’ll remember and cherish,
Because our love will never perish.

Fly, My Precious Son

2011-01-30T11:08:00.005-05:00

"Fly," by Celine Dion

Mysteries Inside of Me

2011-01-30T09:52:00.000-05:00

If all life's answers are within,
Then that's where I’ll begin,
I don't have to travel far,
To look for things that already are.

Mysteries inside of me,
Waiting patiently to be,
Unwrapped, examined, and revealed,
No longer to be concealed.

Trust and faith and intuition,
May God's love bring to fruition,
Acceptance, wisdom, and strength of being,
Confidence in the all-seeing.

To bring joy and peace of mind,
That I am working hard to find,
Knowing that death is not the end,
Just a change of form again.

As above, so below,
There is a universal flow,
I want to know why I am here,
And not live my life in fear.

Looking forward to the day,
When my life has played,
So in contentment I’ll be at rest,
Knowing while here I did my best.

The Spark Within

2011-01-25T18:39:00.000-05:00

Love never ends,
It moves, it bends,
The spark of light within,
Will always transcend,
Any despair, pain or grief,
Giving the comfort that we seek.

Show me the way,
I pray each day,
Guide me on my journey;
Let there be no hurry,
So that I might rest within my quest,
For love's eternal glory.

Our Journey

2011-01-20T20:06:00.002-05:00

Each of us has a journey to make,
Individual trails to take,
We don't always know,
Which path we should follow.

To some the road is crystal clear,
Others have no idea,
Should they turn left or right,
Uneasy, not knowing what's in sight?

Sometimes the path seems straight,
Then along comes Fate,
Suddenly there's a detour,
That you don't know if you can endure.

I want to be able to get back on track,
Overcoming emotions of profound lack,
Show me the signs that point the way,
So I won't be lost for all my days.

With the map for my soul,
I will travel towards my goal,
With an internal beacon directing me,
Shining a light for me to see.

Sweetest Baby

2011-01-16T16:46:00.000-05:00

Sweetest baby, precious boy,
You brought us so much joy,
You were busy from day one,
Keeping me on the run.

You were always in a hurry,
Giving me times of worry,
You crawled, you walked much too fast,
I hoped that my energy would last.

Baby, toddler, little boy,
All the stages to enjoy,
Teenage guy to bright young man,
What an adventurous life span.

Grateful for the gift of you,
We think of you in all we do,
Thank you God, for the time we had,
Don't let us always be so sad.

Internet Radio Interview

2011-01-14T18:54:00.003-05:00

I thought my interview on Donna Tyson's Rivers of Faith show went very well. You can listen to the show by going to this link: http://herewomentalkradio.com/home/archives_details/526

Internet Radio Show

2011-01-10T19:29:00.001-05:00

I will be on this show tomorrow, January 11, at 11:00 EST. Listen, and call in if you can. I hope that it will be a very meaningful show, and comforting to other grieving families.

Donna Hambrick Tyson
Inviting anyone who has ever grieved the loss of a loved one to join me for my Rivers of Faith show tomorrow. I will be talking with the author of A Mother's Tears,
Claire Ann Stevenson, about how writing poetry helped her deal with the loss of her beloved son, Graham. Tuesday morning 11:00 - 12:00 (EST) Listen thru computer at www....herewomentalk.com or call/listen in by phone at 1.646.652.2071.

Go Within

2011-01-08T19:44:00.000-05:00

Go within for what you seek,
Hear your soul softly speak,
Still your mind,
And you will find,
Help in dealing with what must be,
Inner peace and serenity.

Give your anguish up to God,
Some things are just too hard,
Surrender and let go,
Tap into the divine flow,
Learning to accept with grace,
All in life that we may face.

Five More Minutes

2011-01-04T18:48:00.000-05:00

The Compassionate Friends web site posed a question a few months ago that immediately made me cry. The question was, What would you do if you could have five more minutes with your child who has died? I wrote this poem thinking about this question.

If I could have five more minutes with my son who died,
I’d be so ecstatic that he was alive,
“I love you, I love you, I love you,” I’d say,
And how much he is missed each day.

I would hold him in a tight embrace,
While looking at his beloved face,
Telling him how thankful I am to have been his mother,
And for every moment we spent together.

I’d say how proud I was of him,
And that it means the world seeing him again,
Only five minutes, such a brief time,
But the possibility would be a lifeline.

I know I’d be crying continuous tears,
Overwhelmed that he could once more be here,
Knowing there were only minutes until he’d have to depart,
Would be a bittersweet agony in my heart.

If only this could be true,
And time could be something new,
Love can’t be measured by hours or minutes,
But there’s a hole in my life without him in it.

Another Year

2011-01-01T10:13:00.006-05:00

Another year has gone by,
Three hundred sixty five more days I’ve cried,
The pain of my son’s passing never goes away,
I live with sorrow every single day.

Without him here life feels incomplete,
So many moments now are bittersweet,
A young man whose adult life was just ahead,
It doesn’t seem possible that he is dead.

There was so much we looked forward to,
A daughter-in-law and his children too,
A happy family that would often get together,
Celebrating love and each other.

Memories are all I have now to keep,
With love for my son that runs so deep,
But there is no greater treasure,
For me to cherish and remember.

A Pervasive Sadness

2010-12-26T13:30:00.002-05:00

We set a place for Graham for our Christmas dinner yesterday. I know he was with us in spirit, but we like to also have him symbolically at the table. We love you, Graham, and are so grateful to have had 21 precious Christmases with you. You are forever in our hearts.

I don’t know why my son passed away,
I miss him every single day,
A pervasive sadness stays with me,
Keeping constant company.

I still smile, but my smile holds sorrow,
For the loss of him in our tomorrows,
There was such joy while he was here,
And anticipation of the coming years.

The energy he brought to our lives is gone,
There is such emptiness as we carry on,
Nothing can ever take the place,
Of seeing our son’s beloved face.

I pray that love will fill this hole,
That has been torn into my soul,
Heavenly comfort to sustain me,
As I learn to accept what must be.

Our Child Forever

2010-12-23T10:08:00.000-05:00

In the darkness with my tears,
Grieving that you are no longer here,
I rub my heart to ease the pain,
That has settled in my chest again.

I talk to you in my mind,
You are with me all the time,
Your dad and I mention you every day,
Because you are only thoughts away.

You remain our child forever,
Every moment shared we remember,
We often smile as well as cry,
With only memories since you died.

Occasions of humor and family joy,
Special times with our dear boy,
You couldn’t have been a more loving son,
We were blessed with your devotion.

I am so grateful to have been your mom,
And would give anything if you weren’t gone,
You live with me now in a spiritual way,
Your love encircles me each day.

I love you so very much,
I miss that we can’t physically touch,
Or pick up the phone and speak with you,
Like I always used to do.

Watch for us at Heaven’s gate,
Your dad and I know you wait,
With pure joy we will reunite,
In God’s love and celestial light.

The Magic of Love

2010-12-19T19:59:00.002-05:00

Christmas 2006 was our last Christmas with Graham. Here is a picture of Graham with his sister, Laura, with some of their gifts. We cherish that last Christmas. Nine months later Graham was gone in a moment, and our whole world changed.

It now seems like a fantasy,
When you were my son here with me,
A wonderful magical time,
When I was yours and you were mine.

The future held no fears,
I looked forward to coming years,
You were always returning home,
Or talking with me on the phone.

I see you in my mind’s eye,
It’s so hard to believe you died,
Forever you will be twenty-two,
Time stopped then for me and you.

Perhaps time is not what we think,
That we have an eternal link,
And there can somehow still be magic,
Within an event that’s so tragic.

Love is what will transcend all pain,
From love is the magic that we gain,
You can never truly be separate from me,
Because love has no finality.

Forever By Our Sides

2010-12-16T20:20:00.000-05:00

You’ve climbed that highest mountain,
Your earthly life is done,
You are home again in Heaven,
All your battles here won.

Some people live a lot of years,
Others only a few,
Many lives are only minutes,
Just briefly passing through.

What is the rhyme or reason?
We desperately want to know,
Our hearts are torn and aching,
Not wanting ever to let go.

Parents never think to bury their children,
Our minds don’t work that way,
We assume our children will remain here,
Long after we’ve passed away.

The shock and trauma of your child dying,
Is a pain beyond this earth,
Parents promise to love and care for,
Their children from their birth.

Although we no longer see our children,
Or hear their earthly voice,
They are a part of us forever,
In this we can rejoice.

Love is not the body,
Love does not die,
We miss their physical presence,
But know our children stay close by.

We feel them with us always,
Their love is now our guide,
We are blessed to have them with us,
Forever by our sides.

Love Unlocks the Door

2010-12-11T09:47:00.000-05:00

How unreal and pointless life seems,
When death takes away your dreams,
There are no words to express,
The feelings of hopelessness.

It's not that you value others less,
But life loses a lot of its zest,
When your loved one will no longer be,
In this world for you to see.

The picture now feels so incomplete,
Without my son’s presence sweet,
Hard enough when a life was long,
But my child's death just seems so wrong.

My heart aches,
I live in heartbreak,
Without him here there is far less pleasure,
Only his memories to treasure.

I am working hard every day,
To feel joy again come my way,
Not wanting to focus on the pain,
Only the love from him we gained.

Life never stays the same,
It is all about change,
In the times we think we can't bear,
We can become more aware.

We move beyond our physical ties,
Seeing with our spiritual eyes,
That there must be a bigger plan,
To strive to understand.

The eternal truth and master key,
Is really not a mystery,
It is love that unlocks the door,
To what we are searching for.

I want to soar above,
Filled with faith and God’s love,
And in grace be transformed,
With joy and purpose reborn.

Article About Me and My Poetry in Our Local Newspaper

2010-12-08T11:54:00.003-05:00

A Mother's Tears article in the Fredericksburg Freelance-Star

Gone But Not Forgotten

2010-12-05T09:47:00.004-05:00

This is a beautiful new song from an up-and-coming recording artist, Danna Richards, that The Compassionate Friends linked to on facebook. I wanted to share it here.
Gone But Not Forgotten on Youtube

Contemplations

2010-12-02T19:16:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I think I should be,
In a nunnery,
Its name "Our Lady of Perpetual Sorrows,"
Because that's how I see my tomorrows.

Endless days of pain and grief,
Hard to imagine any relief,
As each new day dawns,
I don't know how I manage to go on.

Every day since you died,
I have cried,
The tears cannot seem to stop,
So devastated by your loss.

Thoughts of a life of contemplation,
If it could bring some consolation,
Has a certain appeal,
When life feels so unreal.

But I have other family that need me,
So I am working not to be,
Bound by chains of heartache,
For all of our sakes.

We don't have to live in isolation,
To find compensation,
And I think we must reach out,
To others that need help.

As time moves along,
I gradually feel more strong,
The fear is wondering when,
It's possible to feel happy again.

And that somehow if I do,
It will diminish the importance of you;
A mother doesn't want to let go,
It goes against every instinct she knows.

But in the mourning process if we open to hope,
Somehow managing to cope,
We can by surrendering what we want to keep,
Find that which we seek.

Healing for our broken hearts,
Comfort to know we are never truly apart,
Spirit as symbolized by the dove,
And above all else, love.

A Brighter Tomorrow

2010-11-27T17:37:00.002-05:00

Help my sorrow to release,
So I may find inner peace,
Take away my cries and tears,
Remove from me all doubts and fears.

I want to walk in the light,
To make it through this dark night,
To find happiness in being alive,
Even though my son has died.

Does this pain ever go away?
Will it gradually ease each day?
There’s not a moment you are separate from me,
Together always, in memory.

In this way there is no death,
Because you live in every breath,
A physical change, but not of the soul,
The spirit remains vibrant and whole.

With Heaven’s aid and direction,
I still feel our love and connection,
Supporting me in this terrible sorrow,
With the faith to believe in a brighter tomorrow.

Thanksgiving Without You

2010-11-22T18:31:00.001-05:00

It’s a dreary, rainy, cloudy day,
Everything is draped in gray,
The weather matches perfectly,
The melancholy blanketing me.

Three days from now will be Thanksgiving,
I never imagined you’d not be living,
Children shouldn’t die before their parents do,
It’s so hard to believe this is true.

Every day I pray for help,
To understand what this is about,
You are in your heavenly home,
And I feel so alone.

When we eat our pumpkin pie,
I will try not to cry,
It’s the one I would make for you,
You always enjoyed a slice or two.

It’s the little things that are bittersweet,
All the moments that make our lives complete,
Memories pieced together,
That stay with us forever.

There are smiles and there are tears,
For every single precious year,
I love you, Graham, I miss you so,
More than anyone could ever know.

Book Signing

2010-11-20T08:52:00.003-05:00

I have my first book signing scheduled! I will be at the Borders bookstore in Central Park in Fredericksburg on Sunday, December 12th. from 2:00-4:00. If you are able to come I would love to see you. The holidays are a difficult time of year for so many people, especially when dealing with loss. I hope that this will be an opportunity to provide some comfort for other hurting people.

Update on My Book

2010-11-20T08:50:00.006-05:00

Amazon now has "search inside this book" active for my book - now people can browse inside like looking at it in a bookstore!

Amazon.com: A Mother's Tears: Poems of Heartbreak, Loss, and Discovery (9781453716946): Claire Ann Stevenson

A Master Plan

2010-11-15T15:51:00.000-05:00

Do you believe in magic,
And that it can happen from something tragic,
That from the deepest misery,
We may gain a great victory?

Do you believe that our earthly skin,
Is only the vessel for our spirit within,
That our true self is not what we see,
And that we are a part of eternity?

The here and now is not the whole,
In the journey of a soul,
But it's hard to have the comprehension,
For soul contracts and multi-dimensions.

When we come here without conscious knowledge,
Of what our souls want to accomplish,
And when we experience heartache, death, and loss,
It's natural to question the cost.

What is my place in the universe,
There are times that seem can't get worse,
And yet we must ultimately trust,
That life is just.

To surrender our will,
To listen and be still,
So that we may hear our spirit song,
And know that we are where we belong.

I don't want to live a lukewarm life,
Trampled down from all the strife,
No big highs or no big lows,
Everything just the status quo.

Hopefully the day will come,
When once more I'll want to run,
To laugh and play in the rain,
No longer carrying so much pain.

A worthy goal to pursue,
Something I must work to do,
Free of regrets for what has passed,
Because there is only one thing that ever lasts.

That is love, and that I knew,
With the blessing that was you,
Help me focus on my life's gifts,
That in joy my soul may lift.

Let me be comforted and reassured,
That everything that we endure,
Has the touch of a Master hand,
And is all a part of a divine plan.