Contemplations

Sometimes I think I should be,
In a nunnery,
Its name "Our Lady of Perpetual Sorrows,"
Because that's how I see my tomorrows.

Endless days of pain and grief,
Hard to imagine any relief,
As each new day dawns,
I don't know how I manage to go on.

Every day since you died,
I have cried,
The tears cannot seem to stop,
So devastated by your loss.

Thoughts  of a life of contemplation,
If it could bring some consolation,
Has a certain appeal,
When life feels so unreal.

But I have other family that need me,
So I am working not to be,
Bound by chains of heartache,
For all of our sakes.

We don't have to live in isolation,
To find compensation,
And I think we must reach out,
To others that need help.

As time moves along,
I gradually feel more strong,
The fear is wondering when,
It's possible to feel happy again.

And that somehow if I do,
It will diminish the importance of you;
A mother doesn't want to let go,
It goes against every instinct she knows.

But in the mourning process if we open to hope,
Somehow managing to cope,
We can by surrendering what we want to keep,
Find that which we seek.

Healing for our broken hearts,
Comfort to know we are never truly apart,
Spirit as symbolized by the dove,
And above all else, love.

A Brighter Tomorrow

Help my sorrow to release,
So I may find inner peace,
Take away my cries and tears,
Remove from me all doubts and fears.

I want to walk in the light,
To make it through this dark night,
To find happiness in being alive,
Even though my son has died.

Does this pain ever go away?
Will it gradually ease each day?
There’s not a moment you are separate from me,
Together always, in memory.

In this way there is no death,
Because you live in every breath,
A physical change, but not of the soul,
The spirit remains vibrant and whole.

With Heaven’s aid and direction,
I still feel our love and connection,
Supporting me in this terrible sorrow,
With the faith to believe in a brighter tomorrow.

Thanksgiving Without You

It’s a dreary, rainy, cloudy day,
Everything is draped in gray,
The weather matches perfectly,
The melancholy blanketing me.

Three days from now will be Thanksgiving,
I never imagined you’d not be living,
Children shouldn’t die before their parents do,
It’s so hard to believe this is true.

Every day I pray for help,
To understand what this is about,
You are in your heavenly home,
And I feel so alone.

When we eat our pumpkin pie,
I will try not to cry,
It’s the one I would make for you,
You always enjoyed a slice or two.

It’s the little things that are bittersweet,
All the moments that make our lives complete,
Memories pieced together,
That stay with us forever.

There are smiles and there are tears,
For every single precious year,
I love you, Graham, I miss you so,
More than anyone could ever know.

Book Signing

I have my first book signing scheduled! I will be at the Borders bookstore in Central Park in Fredericksburg on Sunday, December 12th. from 2:00-4:00. If you are able to come I would love to see you. The holidays are a difficult time of year for so many people, especially when dealing with loss. I hope that this will be an opportunity to provide some comfort for other hurting people.

Update on My Book

Amazon now has "search inside this book" active for my book - now people can browse inside like looking at it in a bookstore!

Amazon.com: A Mother's Tears: Poems of Heartbreak, Loss, and Discovery (9781453716946): Claire Ann Stevenson

A Master Plan

Do you believe in magic,
And that it can happen from something tragic,
That from the deepest misery,
We may gain a great victory?

Do you believe that our earthly skin,
Is only the vessel for our spirit within,
That our true self is not what we see,
And that we are a part of eternity?

The here and now is not the whole,
In the journey of a soul,
But it's hard to have the comprehension,
For soul contracts and multi-dimensions.

When we come here without conscious knowledge,
Of what our souls want to accomplish,
And when we experience heartache, death, and loss,
It's natural to question the cost.

What is my place in the universe,
There are times that seem can't get worse,
And yet we must ultimately trust,
That life is just.

To surrender our will,
To listen and be still,
So that we may hear our spirit song,
And know that we are where we belong.

I don't want to live a lukewarm life,
Trampled down from all the strife,
No big highs or no big lows,
Everything just the status quo.

Hopefully the day will come,
When once more I'll want to run,
To laugh and play in the rain,
No longer carrying so much pain.

A worthy goal to pursue,
Something I must work to do,
Free of regrets for what has passed,
Because there is only one thing that ever lasts.


That is love, and that I knew,
With the blessing that was you,
Help me focus on my life's gifts,
That in joy my soul may lift.

Let me be comforted and reassured,
That everything that we endure,
Has the touch of a Master hand,
And is all a part of a divine plan.

Prayers and Meditations

I ask you, God, for your gift of peace,
Take away my hopelessness and grief,
Guide me to the answers I seek,
So in Spirit’s arms I’ll find relief.

Surround me in your Heavenly embrace,
Comfort and support to help me face,
A future now unknown to me,
Not what I’d thought it would be.

Hear my prayers and meditations,
Take away all hesitations,
For a heart that is shattered and broken,
Send your love to heal and open.

I don’t want to live in fear,
Now that my son’s not physically here,
Or live each day in a degree of depression,
Wondering if this pain will lessen.

Life is hard, I can’t do it by myself,
Thank you for any Heavenly help,
With God’s grace and Divine inspiration,
I pray for spiritual transformation.

What Must Be

Dear God, I am on my knees,
Praying for this pain to cease,
What have I come here for?
My life is not as it was before.

Must we suffer in order to grow?
Is this the only way we can know,
The spirit that dwells within,
Our temporary earthly skin?

Fill the emptiness that is inside,
Walk with me by my side,
I cannot do this by myself,
I ask for all Heavenly help.

Enfold me in your arms of grace,
With divine love to replace,
The grief and sadness that live in me,
With acceptance of what must be.

Signs of Love

Communication doesn't stop,
When you have a loss,
It's not the same as living here,
But there are signs strong and clear.

Look around and be alert,
There is comfort for our hurt,
Our loved ones want us to know,
They didn't totally go.

Their form has changed,
But their love remains,
And they want us to know,
So there are signs they show.

A television that un-mutes itself,
A plate turned sideways on the shelf,
Flickering lights and mysterious telephone rings,
Are some of their favorite things.

 Tangible signs of continuity and love,
Proof that we are still thought of,
Wanting us to not feel so alone,
They make their presence known.

I am grateful for every sign,
And thank my loved one each time,
For the reminders of the love we knew,
And the healing I am being guided through.

My book is now available to order!

The book is named after this blog, "A Mother's Tears, Poems of Heartbreak, Loss, and Discovery," and is available for ordering from
www.createspace.com/3471259
or
www.amazon.com/A-Mothers-Tears/dp/1453716947/

This unique and beautiful collection of poems, written from the depths of a mother's broken heart, will touch and comfort others suffering the most devastating loss of all, the death of a child. A year and a half after the tragic loss of her son, poetry started flowing through her. The release of her pain and anguish provided through this amazing outpouring helped facilitate her healing, and is offered here to help others heal. Giving words to a grief that has no words, she will touch your heart. Those suffering similar loss will find hope and strength in her poems.

Soul's Cry

My son’s always with me, yet physically gone,
Lord, give me the strength to draw upon,
I cannot do this by myself,
Surround me with heavenly help.

Lead me to the well inside,
Knowing love is the guide,
Quench the thirst that leaves me dry,
Answer my soul's cry.

Drinking deeply from the cup,
Refresh my soul and fill it up,
And with the sacred water of life,
Remove all torment and earthly strife.

Live from the Heart

Be in the world, but not of it, I have heard the phrase,
It’s now how I live my days,
Shakespeare had it right when he wrote,
“All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women
merely players,” to quote.

Since you died my perception has changed,
I no longer live life in close range,
Now standing somewhat apart,
But striving to live from my heart.

Viewing life from a distance,
Praying for Heavenly assistance,
Surrendering into the flow,
I am learning to let go.

All things are possible with Divine love and aid,
Understanding and acceptance for the plan that was laid,
My heart is broken but I am trying my best,
To mend and recover from this grievous test.

No one fully understands the bond that we had,
Or why under the surface I always am sad,
There is never a minute that you are not missed,
My wonderful son and most treasured wish.

I loved you on earth and I love you in Heaven,
Love crosses all dimensions,
The ties of the heart are eternal and strong,
Connected forever within love’s bond.

Hands Held

My soul is screaming,
I am clawing at the door,
Please God, I know there is more,
What am I here for?

Remove the veils,
My spirit wails,
I want to be with my son,
I can’t lose our connection.

A life, a love, a joy divine,
Gone, what I thought was mine,
Hands held, faces kissed,
Oh God, so dearly missed.

Only borrowed, never owned,
Love, the pattern sown,
A kiss, a hug, a tender sigh,
I will never say goodbye.

So many questions, why God, why?
Will I have no answers until I die?
Help me to find what I seek,
Open my heart and give relief.

A hand held, yet released,
A heart, that can be at peace.

An Unknown Road

I long to know why I am here,
It would be wonderful for this to be clear,
No more fumbling around in the dark,
Feeling like my life is in park.

Shine the light so I might drive,
Feeling joy in being alive,
Time has been long and sober,
Ever since you crossed over.

No longer sure of my destination,
When life changed with no explanation,
I now travel an unknown road,
Please take from me this heavy load.

Show me that which I seek,
As I live week to week,
Searching for the inner core,
To feel love and light and joy once more.