Thursday, October 29, 2009

A Mother's Love Will Never Die

Every day as I dress,
Going through my jewelry I select,
Bracelets, necklaces, and earrings,
For whatever comfort they might bring.
Like putting on a suit of armor,
They provide protection and honor,
All the memories I have of you,
And the bond of love that we knew.

I have jewelry with crystals to soothe and to heal,
Angels and Madonnas with their love to feel,
Winged things representing the signs,
You send to me in many designs.

Beautiful dragonflies in different colors,
Butterflies to softly flutter,
Hummingbirds to dangle from my ears,
All worn with bittersweet tears.

Jewelry about being a mom,
Lord, help me to be strong,
I am trying my best,
But every day is a test.

I have a bracelet with the Lord’s Prayer,
Inspirational necklaces with verses of love and care,
A gold shooting star that represents your life,
Bright and shining, but only briefly in sight.

Hearts that represent the love,
Of a son I thought the world of,
Small comforts to help me face,
What time will never erase.

Because no matter how long we cry,
A mother’s love will never die,
Like the mother-child ring that I wear each day,
Nothing can take this bond away.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Rainbow From Heaven

When my son was a senior in high school he took a Biology class.  As part of a project for the class he took some seeds from an apple that he had eaten and planted them in the Biology lab.  Four apple trees started to grow!   At the end of the school year he brought them home.  They looked like little twigs.  He put them in pots out on our deck.  The following April we moved and bought a new home when my husband retired from the military.  We were all so happy to be in our new home and to not have to move any more.  One of the first things that Graham did when he was home over the summer from college was to plant his four apple trees in our backyard.  I watched him as he planted his trees.  Our little dog was out there with him as he worked.  I remember thinking that it was one of those perfect moments.

The first Spring after Graham died, his apple trees bloomed for the first time.  My husband and I went out in the yard to look at them.   I was standing at one of his trees crying and talking to Graham and saying,"Do you see your trees,Graham?  Do you see how beautiful they are?"  My husband took a picture of the tree.  When we downloaded it on the computer, there was a rainbow beside it!  We were amazed.  Graham lets us know in many ways that he is still with us.  We are so grateful for the gift of his apple trees.  Thank you, Graham. We love you.

Thank you for the rainbow you enabled us to see,
Beside your blossoming apple tree,
What a beautiful symbol of,
Your continuous presence and love.

The colors were pure and bright,
In the afternoon light,
Violet and yellow, green and blue,
A gift of Spirit given by you.

Tears were running down my face,
It was almost like feeling your embrace,
I miss you being physically here,
Your human form so warm and dear.

It helps when I am feeling low,
To think about your lovely rainbow,
A bridge between your world and mine,
Another one of your heavenly signs.

With a heart broken open,
In God's devotion,
We'll move beyond preconceived notions,
Limiting views and human emotions.

Because there is no greater bond than love,
It's what the universe is made of,
And with the greater knowing of all is one,
There is no separation, my precious son.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

When "Other People" Becomes You

I could empathize and sympathize,
Before my son died,
When hearing of other people’s losses,
Spouses, siblings, friends, and bosses.

I would be sad,
But of course be so glad,
That it wasn’t me,
Undergoing such tragedy.

You never really imagine,
That it could ever happen,
To you or your family,
How could that be?

And then the unthinkable comes true,
The “other people” becomes you,
And you realize that you never really knew,
What those “other people” were actually going through.

When your world comes crashing down,
Without a single sound,
You feel as if you’re all alone,
When your child will never be coming home.

You could have one child or ten,
It doesn’t matter when,
You know that no one can take the place,
Of that one precious child’s face.

My life is in pieces,
I pray this anguish eases,
As I work to rebuild my life,
Nothing now feels right.

Focusing on the blessings won,
When God gifted us with our son,
Is what I work to concentrate on,
Now that he is physically gone.

Though our life will never be the same,
The love will forever remain,
So with every breath that I breathe,
My son is still alive with me.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

A Mother's Tears

The title for my blog came from this poem.

A Mother's Tears

I have cried a river of tears,
This past year;
I know that I am not alone,
So many others called home,
All of our tears mingle,
They are never single,
United in our grief,
Struggling to find relief.

I pray the tears cleanse my soul,
Mend the hole,
That now is in my life,
Take away the strife.

Divine Spirit fill the gloom,
So that I may bloom,
With spiritual eyes,
To realize,
That what affects one, affects another.

There are so many mothers,
With empty arms and crying eyes,
Asking God, why?
Help us find the peace we seek,
To live our lives to teach,
That family is a treasure and,
That love is forever.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Forever Our Son

It’s the second September since you passed away,
The second anniversary to visit your grave,
Your dad and I stood there in disbelief,
To lose our son and be in grief.

We placed a bouquet of flowers of red and gold,
Vibrant Fall colors to behold,
Above the gravestone with your name,
And contemplated how our lives have changed.

One day your dad and I,
Will be lying by your side,
One gravestone sharing the Stevenson name,
A family linked together again.

Gravestones are the visible signs,
Of lives lived through time,
But it is in dying that we are reborn,
Returning to spirit form.

Physically now separated, that is true,
But we are never apart from you,
Forever you will be our son,
Eternally linked in love as one.

Thursday, October 22, 2009



Butterflies are beautiful for us to see,
And come in many varieties,
With brilliant colors and patterned wings,
They bring us joy and make our hearts sing.

On a deeper level they teach us about faith,
And accepting changes that we must make,
The butterfly is the result of transformation,
A new and wonderful creation.

From egg to caterpillar to butterfly,
They break free and take to the sky,
Uplifting messengers of courage and hope,
Especially in times we find it hard to cope.

Lovely symbols of what’s possible for us too,
The metamorphosis for me and for you,
Give me courage and faith so that I may soar,
With love and happiness in life once more.
Yesterday morning after posting my FEATHERS poem, I went to Starbucks. I usually always go through the drive-thru, but decided to go inside the store this time. As I walked inside the door, I noticed a small white feather on the inside door mat! Ever since my son died, I have been finding a lot of feathers, sometimes in odd places. Feathers can be very symbolic, a bridge between the Spirit world and the mortal world, an angelic sign.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Angelic Calling Cards

I often seem to discover,
Different types of feathers,
Small ones, big ones, dark and light,
Somehow come into my sight.

I wonder if they are,
Angelic calling cards,
Messages of comfort and hope,
Helping me to cope.

With angelic breath the feathers have flown,
To let me know that I'm not alone,
With thankfulness and happy tears,
It's wonderful when they appear.

So I take another step,
Realizing that I can't give up,
There is a reason I am here,
The feathers help to make this clear.

Thank you angels for these signs,
I am always grateful when I find,
Another feather for my collection,
Healing wings of love and direction.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Circle of Love

This is a family picture taken on Mother's Day 2007.

Minutes to hours to days to weeks,
Months to years time slowly creeps,
It’s still hard to believe that you are not here,
That doesn’t change whatever the year.

We thought that you would marry and bring home a wife,
Adding another dimension to our life,
And hopefully there would have been your children to hold,
A circle of family more precious than gold.

These dreams with you we will not see,
None of them meant to be,
We have to treasure the years that we shared,
Remembering how much we all cared.

A beautiful family built on a foundation of love,
That we were all blessed to be a part of,
We may never understand why you are gone,
Or why the rest of us have to live on.

But we will keep your memory alive,
With all of the love we hold inside.
Cherishing every moment that we had together,
You will live in our hearts forever.

Forgotten you will never be,
Forever integral to our family,
Our circle of love will once more unite,
When we join together in God’s holy light.

Monday, October 19, 2009

The Hands of Time

If I could turn back the hands of time,
You would still be a child of mine,
Here on earth for years to come,
Not in Heaven, your tasks here done.

Is it selfish to wish it so?
There are so many things I want to know,
I miss you every minute of every day,
What is the reason you couldn’t stay?

Take away these chains of sadness,
Open my heart with gladness,
To remember and be grateful for,
The years when I couldn’t have asked for more.

Go with God my precious son,
Until my time here is done,
Although we are now physically apart,
You always live within my heart.

One day we will reunite,
In God’s garden of infinite light,
Two hearts forever entwined,
Loving you for all time.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

A Mother's Dreams

As a baby at my breast,
I promised you my very best,
You gave my life so much meaning,
Fulfilled hopes that I'd been dreaming.

Every little baby smile,
Made my life so worthwhile,
There was so much joy,
Having you as my little boy.

Lullabies and nursery rhymes,
Children's songs and playtimes,
Your favorite blanket and all your toys,
There was so much that we enjoyed.

As you grew,
The joys grew too,
Of course there were difficult times,
But we were able to find.

Our love would always overcome,
What had been troublesome,
I never thought I'd have to say,
I had a son but he passed away.

At twenty-two your thoughts and plans,
Were so very close at hand,
The future you envisioned,
Never to come to fruition.

Eight months short of graduation,
We were planning for the celebration,
The culmination of years of studies,
Perseverance, ideas and worries.

I mourn for the future that will never be,
But rejoice in the gift you were to me,
For every day you were here on earth,
From the moment I gave you birth.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

A Moment in Time

The last thing you did before you drove away,
On a beautiful September day,
To help out your dad and me,
Was plant a lovely crepe myrtle tree.

It was the last one planted out of five,
To be enjoyed while we’re on the patio outside,
I watched you while you were hard at work,
Digging up all that dirt.

Let me take your picture, I said,
And you smiled and turned your head,
I took a wonderful picture of you,
Beside the crepe myrtle when you were through.

The following weekend you were dead,
There are no words that can be said,
You were here one moment, the next you were gone,
And we are left to struggle on.

Who could know that picture would be our last,
Of the twenty-two years that had passed,
From our darling baby to handsome young man,
We are working hard to understand.

I treasure that picture that now hangs on our wall,
A special moment in time to recall,
And when I look at the crepe myrtle tree,
I see your beloved face smiling at me.

Friday, October 16, 2009

People Don't Know What to Say

People Don't Know What to Say

People don't know what to say,
When a loved one passes away;
“ Keep a stiff upper lip,”
What a terrible quip;
No one to blame,
Their life is the same.

One can never truly fathom,
A world without a loved one with them,
And don't even want to think,
How life can change in a blink;
More comfortable to ignore,
They go on as before.

So thankful for the people who,
With love and empathy come through,
To help me make it one more day,
When it seems there is no way.

Even in the darkest times,
Spirit somehow seems to find,
A way to impart,
Things to help mend the heart;
A card, a hug, a telephone call,
Things that may seem small,
Mean so much when you wonder when,
You will ever feel whole again.

I am now more aware,
To show others greater care,
So that I might unknowingly,
Lift one up who is in need.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

A Gift From Heaven

Thank you for the poetry,
That has begun flowing through me,
I know it’s from deep inside myself,
I’m so grateful for this angelic help.

The words bring some sweet relief,
To all these months of constant grief,
A sense of satisfaction too,
Because I feel more attuned with you.

I hope to share these poems with others,
There are so many mothers,
That have also had a child die,
And are desperately wondering why.

Maybe these words of mine,
Will help to soothe for a time,
Any comfort that I can impart,
To help mend a broken heart.

Helps me also as I learn to heal,
With what still feels so unreal,
Nothing will ever take the pain away,
But I think it softens day by day.

As life continues and we go on,
Without that precious physical bond,
We begin to more clearly see,
That we are not our earthly body.

Our loved ones never go away,
They are present in a different way,
And with an open heart and an open mind,
What we think is lost, we find.

I am so grateful to have this connection,
Of love and grace giving direction,
With comfort and validation, knowing within,
That physical death is not the end.

Gift of Spirit

The poem in the first post below is the first poem that I wrote. It was February 12, 2009, eight months ago. I have never written poetry, and had no thought of doing so. That afternoon I had the words, "Only son, treasured one," go through my mind. I wrote the words down so that I wouldn't forget them. I continued writing, and when I read over what I had written, I realized it was a poem! I knew that something unusual had happened - I didn't consciously write that poem. That same night, as soon as I went to bed, I had rhyming words go through my mind again. I got out of bed to write them down. In the next hour or so I wrote two more poems! The floodgates seemed to have opened. As of today I have written 143 poems. They are coming from deep inside myself, and I believe they are a gift of Spirit.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Only Son

Graham Thomson Stevenson  
March 30, 1985 - September 22, 2007 

This is a picture of my son taken on our patio. It was the 4th of July, two and a half months before he died.

Only son, treasured one,
How swiftly time has flown,
Such a handsome man you had grown,
Promise born, from my arms you were torn,
Broken heart, shattered dreams,
Can this be as it seems?

Daily tears, how many years can one weep?
Let me sleep and not awake,
For surely this was some dread mistake;
Lost, confused, where to turn?
For connection is what I yearn.

Purpose was, but what purpose is,
When so much focus was his?
Each day I try to walk and try to talk,
Searching for what was lost.

Daily prayers for hope reborn.
Will I always be forlorn?
Precious memories, let grief abate,
And help me to celebrate,
That which was and still endures,
Love, the blessed cure.