Sunday, September 29, 2013

Six Year Angelversary

My husband and I went to the cemetery on Sunday the 22nd of September to place flowers at our dear Graham's grave.  I took an art piece I painted of Graham that has a lot of significance to me.  It's still so hard to believe that we have an anniversary like this. 

As we were leaving the cemetery we saw a young deer.  We had never seen a deer there before.  The deer just stood there looking straight into our eyes.  I felt that was a message for us.  Here is a link to the symbolism of deer.

Saturday, September 21, 2013

On the Wings of Love

Last weekend our local chapter of the Bereaved Parents of the USA held our second Butterfly Release.  This special event was held in the beautiful Memorial Garden that the group created last year in loving memory of our precious children.  

The garden is filled with such a sense of peace and love.  I read two of my poems as part of the program, "Butterfly" and "In the Garden of What Might Have Been."  It was a heart-filled day.  Our dear children, always and forever. 

XO 22 OX

I felt that I received several little signs yesterday.  The first one was hearing the song "Home" by Daughtry on my car radio this morning as I was driving.  I have that song on my iTunes play list. It makes me think of my son, Graham.   Later, when I was driving home I saw an unusual license plate. It read "XO 22 OX."  Kisses and hugs, and 22!  My son was 22 years old when he passed, and he passed on the 22nd of September, two days from now.  I made myself a latte that afternoon. I drank it and set the cup aside.  A little later I went to rinse it out and stopped before I did because I noticed the pattern in the residue at the bottom of the cup.  It looks like two hearts with a dove above them to me.  Love and peace. Comforting messages during this difficult month.  Love transcends space and time. Here is a picture and also a link to this special song.

Sunday, September 15, 2013

September Memories

Six years ago at this time, my son had come home for the weekend. Graham had just started his senior year of college the month before at Virginia Commonwealth University in Richmond.  It was always so nice for us that Graham was only an hour or so away.  We were able to see him often.  He had been home all summer as he had a summer graphic design internship with our local paper here in Fredericksburg.   Our daughter, Laura, was home that summer too. She was commuting to VCU for a summer session towards her masters degree in Music Education.  We were blessed to all be together again as a family for this special summer.  His dad and I could never have imagined this weekend would be the last time that we would see our dearest Graham, and that this picture I took of him at the crape myrtle would be our last picture of him.  The picture of me is with this same crape myrtle he planted six years ago now. Our hearts broke when Graham suddenly passed. Graham's physical form is gone, but he is still here, forever by our sides.  Love is always and forever. 
A Moment in Time

The last thing you did before you drove away,
On a beautiful September day,
To help out your dad and me,
Was plant a lovely crape myrtle tree.

It was the last one planted out of five,
To be enjoyed while we’re on the patio outside,
I watched you while you were hard at work,
Digging up all that dirt.

“Let me take your picture,” I said,
And you smiled and turned your head,
I took a wonderful picture of you,
Beside the crepe myrtle when you were through.

The following weekend you were dead,
There are no words that can be said,
You were here one moment, the next you were gone,
And we are left to struggle on.

Who could know that picture would be our last,
Of the twenty-two years that had passed,
From our darling baby to handsome young man,
We are working hard to understand.

I treasure that picture that now hangs on our wall,
A special moment in time to recall,
And when I look at the crape myrtle tree,
I see your beloved face smiling at me.

Saturday, September 14, 2013

Your Love Is a Song

I just recently found this beautiful song - "Your Love Is a Song," by Switchfoot:
This song reminds me of my "Music of the Soul" poem:

Music of the Soul

We cry for ourselves, not loved ones gone,
They are happy in the great beyond,
No more burdens, heartache or stress,
They live in a state of pure happiness.

It’s those of us left behind,
Who struggle with the concept of time,
On this planet of pain and tears,
Learning and growing through the years.

What a blessing you were to me,
Like a magnificent symphony,
With haunting passages of turbulent lows,
Mixed with brilliant crescendos.

Across the pages lines of notes play,
But then abruptly go away,
A symphony of the story of you,
My wonderful son of twenty-two.

What movement would be playing now,
If you were still here somehow?
A work of such hope and promise,
With so much more to accomplish.

My darling son,
Your earthly work must have been done,
You are now a more brilliant light,
Just beyond earthly sight.

Composing more passages on another plane,
With knowledge earned through joy and pain,
The music of your soul will always flow,
In our hearts, this we know.

Listening with our inner ear,
The melody is very clear,
We will strive to overcome our sorrow,
In God’s promise of a joyous tomorrow.

Friday, September 13, 2013

I Feel the Strength of Your Love

Many of you know how meaningful the word "always" is to me. That is what my personalized license plate reads.   I have also written a few poems with the understanding in my heart that love is always and forever.  Today I was in a store and happened to walk by a display of Willow Tree figurines.   I stopped to look at them and saw one I hadn't seen before.  It brought tears to my eyes.  It is called "Always," and underneath that it says "I feel the strength of your love."   I of course brought it home with me.   The picture with this post is this special figurine.   A beautiful message of love and comfort to find today.  Thank you, Graham, my sweet angel boy.
Always Near

Every day I feel you near,
Your spirit and energy are still here,
Because I don’t see you physically,
Doesn’t mean you cease to be.

In my life you will always stay,
Nothing can take your presence away,
Grateful for every moment we had together,
Comforted in knowing our love is forever.

I work to not dwell in the past,
Because the blessing of you will forever last,
To bring that forward to the now,
Is what I strive to accomplish somehow.

I am doing the best that I can,
I pray that Spirit understands,
The mourning process is long and slow,
My child’s death not a grief I thought to know.

So many emotions to process and release,
On the road to finding peace,
Thank you for the signs you’ve shown,
To help me not feel so alone.

Knowing you are part of a divine team,
Always present, but not necessarily seen,
Gives me strength to journey on,
When I feel all joy is gone.

Bless you angels, bless you guides,
Thank you loved ones on the other side,
I feel the support and love from you,
With the deepest gratitude.

Heavenly solace for soul-deep pain,
Divine love for me to gain,
Open my heart so that I may receive,
The gift of grace to heal and believe.

Monday, September 2, 2013

September Comfort

As today rolled into September I found myself teary and emotional. September is the month my treasured son, Graham, passed.  A song that really speaks to me as a message from my son came on the car radio as my husband and I were driving!  It is on my iTunes play list.  As I am typing this the motion activated doorbell alarm in my basement just ding donged twice!  There is no one in my basement. Thank you, Graham, for your eternal loving presence and comfort. I love you.

Mumford and Sons - "I Will Wait"