I May Look Like I Am Fine

I may look like I am fine,

When people see me from time to time,

But at any moment I can cry,

Emotions changing in the blink of an eye.

It’s been almost a full two years,

Since you were last here,

Yet it seems like only yesterday,

That you passed away.

I still think that you’ll come home,

And you will telephone,

Your room is waiting for you,

How can this be true?

Everything feels so surreal,

What is this karmic wheel?

I want to get off this treadmill of pain,

Transforming in spiritual gain.

You were my child, but I must let you go,

Because no one ever owns a soul,

A gift from Heaven for whatever the time,

I was blessed to call you mine.

Grains of Sand

I watched you suffer, and I suffered too,

Growing up was so hard for you,

A vulnerable, sensitive boy,

Life was difficult for you to enjoy.

I did my very best,

To help you find happiness,

You worked hard and were doing well,

So many ideas for you to tell.

I admired your determination,

Your strength of will and dedication,

You persevered and made great strides,

Fighting against life’s tides.

I thought that as your mother,

We would always be together,

Loving and encouraging you,

In everything you wanted to do.

An upside down world for you to die before me,

Six months shy of twenty-three,

Just when you were about to go out on your own,

To realize the seeds you’d sown.

You were only passing through,

Twenty-two years was all we knew,

Like little grains of sand,

Time slid through my hand.

I can not yet fully grasp,

What from me has been asked,

How do I let you go,

When you are part of my very soul?

I search for strength from my inner core,

To be happy and filled with joy once more,

Because the love that ran so deep,

Is forever ours to keep.

Direction

What is the roadmap for my soul?

I would dearly love to know,

So much sorrow I hold within,

I don’t know where to begin.

Starting life over after losing you,

Is the most painful thing I must do,

I am left here on earth weeping,

For part of my heart is now in your keeping.

A mother grieving her dearest son,

With no idea how it’s done,

Every day is a test,

I want my soul to be at rest.

Somehow I will see this through,

What else is there for me to do?

Show me the guideposts to follow each day,

As I struggle to find my way.

Traces of You

I almost assume,

When I look in your room,

That you will be standing there,

Alive and aware.

I look at your bed,

Where you last laid your head,

And I press my nose to your pillow,

Because the scent of you still lingers there,

A faint trace in the air.

I hug your pillow and wish that it was you,

Crying and saying, our moments were too few,

Without you here, I don't know what to do.

Your artwork is on your walls,

Beautiful photographs to remind us all,

Of how fortunate we were while you were here,

How you brightened so many of our years.

Now my world feels destroyed,

How do I fill the void?

The future is not what I thought it would be,

Time seems to stretch endlessly.

Building a life anew,

Is an agonizing process to go through,

Anything else in life seems mild,

In comparison to losing your child.

Love is the answer to every question we scream,

Love is for what we dream,

I pray for love in all its forms,

Because it is in love that we are reborn.

I know in my heart that this is true,

And I am finding this path through the loss of you,

The sacrifice on both our parts,

Will strengthen our hearts.

Let me feel the universal flow,

To come to know,

That love can not be divided,

When in spirit we are forever united.

   Graham had this picture on the door of his apartment, and we framed it and put it on the wall of his room here (it can be seen on the wall in the picture at the top of this post).  He produced this image using his skill with Photoshop acquired while studying graphic design, putting his face into a portrait by  Jacques-Louis David of General Étienne-Maurice Gérard (1773–1852), Marshal of France (the original can be seen here).  He loved the idea of being depicted as a sea captain or admiral (he didn't think anyone would know it was really a French general).  He planned to use this on his business card.  

Never Say Goodbye

Never Say Goodbye

Those we love are never gone,

The bonds of love are much too strong,

Always only a thought away,

Within our hearts you will stay.

The physical body wasn’t you,

Your eternal essence is what is true,

The earthly form has only changed,

Transitioning to heavenly gain.

One with God, and at peace,

Blessed the sweet release,

We can’t help mourn for what we miss,

But we’ll take comfort in knowing this.

Thank you for all our years of sharing,

The memories of love and caring,

Emotions are hard, and though we cry,

We never really say good-bye.

Eternal Valentine

A gift of love that transcends time,
The perfect Valentine.
Thank you for the words that flow,
The love that just seems to grow;
The reassurance to know,
That we are never truly apart.
But heart to heart,
Forever entwined,
My eternal Valentine.

Love Never Ends

Do you remember when,
You'd speculate about life's end,
Not sure if the soul went on,
When the body was gone?

Ironic, now to me,
When you are no longer on the earth to see,
All the signs that you give,
To let us know the soul still lives.

Thank you for the proof you're sharing,
For all your love and caring,
To help us in our despair,
To become more spiritually aware.

Although in a different dimension,
We can still have connection,
It’s not the way I want it to be,
I wish you were here physically.

But I am working hard each day,
To accept my life in this different way,
As I walk this lonely road,
You help relieve my heavy load.

You give me strength so that I can see,
Your love and Heaven’s guiding me,
Repairing my heart so that I may mend,
By showing me that love never ends.

Healing Waters

Sea salt baths and lavender scents,
All of these are meant,
To soothe the body, soul, and mind,
Please, let them heal mine.

I turn to these in my distress,
Hoping the pain will become less,
I read, I pray, I meditate,
Every day I contemplate.

To find some reason when all without,
Leaves me in confusion and doubt,
I miss you son, I love you so,
Why was it your time to go?

I am doing the best I can,
To have faith in a master plan,
As I slowly work through this agony of grief,
Praying for help and relief.

Cherish Your Happy Moments

I don’t know what to do,
With my life without you,
It’s so hard after twenty two years,
To live on without you here.

As your mother why would I,
Imagine that you would die?
It’s a sorrow no parent should know,
Unimaginable to let you go.

Is it true with the divine,
That no one dies before their time?
No accidents, no tragedies,
That we all die when it’s meant to be?

Don’t assume that you’ll grow old,
That you know how your life will unfold,
At any moment things can change,
Never think you have it all arranged.

Cherish your happy moments and hold them fast,
So the beautiful memories will always last,
Honor your loved ones and hold them dear,

With gratefulness and joy for every year.

Angel's Promise

Walking by a gift shop window when I was sad,

I glanced up to see what the store had,

Beautiful angels were all in a row,

One sitting on a pretty rainbow.

In her hands a butterfly,

Another one by her side,

Symbols of promise and hope reborn,

Lovely images for all the forlorn.

Just when I needed comfort and help,

There were angels upon a shelf,

Heavenly messengers to help remind me,

That God is present and answers our needs.

I bought that angel with happy tears,

A guardian to help soothe my fears,

I look at her every day,

And pray for the promise the angel relays.