Thursday, December 10, 2009

A Year Of Firsts

Today is my husband's birthday.  Special occasions always remind us even more of Graham's physical absence.  This is a picture of my husband and Graham in December 2006 celebrating the day.  Graham always made an effort to come home, especially for special occasions. We are so grateful to have these moments in our hearts.

The first year after you died,
I was just trying to survive,
Every day felt like a week,
I was overwhelmed in grief.

Trying to make it through each first,
Was beyond imagining in its hurt,
The first Thanksgiving without you here,
Was the first holiday we had to fear.

Your dad’s birthday came next,
So empty without you to expect,
You always added so much fun,
What a joy to have had our son.

Then it was Christmas when you were sorely missed,
I never thought I’d have to endure this,
My favorite family time of celebration,
Will never be the same occasion.

I could not send a card to you,
On Valentine’s Day like I used to do,
No more cards to sons about love,
Or candy treats you were fond of.

In March you would have been twenty-three,
But it was never meant to be,
No more birthdays to share with you,
Memories will have to carry us through.

Easter was the next special day,
And it was not observed in the same way,
It was a more quiet time of reflection,
With deeper thoughts about Christ’s resurrection.

My birthday was in April and I missed you so,
The pain was more than I could know,
Without you here to share the day,
Was sadder than I can ever say.

Mother’s Day was bittersweet,
I felt so incomplete,
Last Mother’s Day you had spent with me,
And all of the family.

The following month was June,
In which Father’s Day came too soon,
No longer here to share with your dad,
How could we not feel bad?

We had no 4th of July picnic that year,
Like we did when you were near,
No get together of food and fun,
It wouldn’t have been the same without our son.

The most difficult first was in September,
The month you died and we’ll always remember,
An anniversary we never imagined,
Inconceivable this happened.

Somehow a year passed by,
Without a day I didn’t cry,
No more firsts to face with dread,
Screams of why inside my head.

On special occasions we set your place,
And on your birthday we have a cake,
We light a candle for you each night,
To hold you close in eternal light.

Two years now have passed,
Since we saw you last,
I still cry every day,
The pain never goes away.

It’s not as piercing of an ache,
But my heart still breaks,
I’m learning to live each day as it comes,
To find some peace with each setting sun.

The future is never ours to know,
Cherish every moment and learn and grow,
I work to focus on what was gained,
To remember the love and joy, not the pain.

1 comment:

strokeofliving said...

Another stellar photo of your men.
Another stellar poem for your collection!

Merry Christmas Claire Ann. I pray that your family shares more smiles than tears.

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