Never Apart

     In September my husband and I flew to Germany for a two week vacation.  It was exactly two years since Graham died.  I had only been away from our house overnight a few times during this period.  I didn't realize that being gone from home longer would be so emotional until I was sitting on the plane.  While waiting to take off, I started to cry.  I was trying to figure out why, and wrote this poem.  Later, I realized that we get into routines that bring us some comfort as we are grieving.  When you step out of that pattern, it can be difficult. 

Your dad and I are flying to Germany today,
To tour and visit friends along the way,
It’s emotional as I wait to fly,
Because it feels as if I’m saying good-bye.

It’s been two years since you died,
But when I’m home you feel close by,
I didn’t know that venturing so far from home,
Could make me feel more alone.

It’s not a rational way to feel,
You are with me always as I heal,
I feel your love surrounding me,
Like a hug I cannot see.

I wish that as the flight ascends,
I could visit you in heaven,
Or touch you on a shining star,
Instead of gazing upward from afar.

Fanciful concepts that are not true,
But lovely imaginings as I think of you,
You are actually very near,
Living in a different sphere.

Help me to enjoy this vacation,
And think of you in celebration,
Because we are never really apart,
You are with me in every beat of my heart.