A Mother's Tears-More book news

I was honored to find out a few days ago that my book, A Mother's Tears, will be available for sale in the bookstores at two national conferences this summer - The Compassionate Friends, and Bereaved Parents of the USA. I will be attending the Bereaved Parents conference and signing my books while there. Both venues offer hope and healing to grieving hearts. I hope to see many of you there!  Here are links for conference information:

http://www.compassionatefriends.org/news_events/tcf_national_conferences.aspx

http://www.bereavedparentsusa.org/Gathering.html 

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

     This is a great picture of Graham (and George Mason) taken in Washington, D.C.  Graham and his dad had a great father/son day walking all over and seeing the sights.  It's a wonderful memory for my husband.  We miss Graham so very much, and cherish the time we had together.  Forever our son...

My son’s death leaves such a hole,
I feel so lost without my role,
As his mother and his friend,
Will my heartache ever end?

One step forward, two steps back,
Will I ever get back on track?
Help me to find my stride,
With divine love and comfort guide.

Pick me up when I fall,
I want to stand straight and tall,
I know you don’t want me on the ground,
With tears of anguish the only sound.

Give me strength to carry on,
These days seem far too long,
I hope in victory we will meet,
Not in agony and defeat.

A Birthday That Won't Be

This picture was taken on Graham's 21st birthday.  He and our daughter, Laura, both came home to celebrate their birthdays together.  They were both born in March.  My parents came over too.  We all went out to a restaurant for dinner, then came back home for cake and ice cream.  It was a special, memorable day.  Little did we know that we would have only one more birthday with Graham.  We love you, Graham, and miss you more than we could ever say.  Happy birthday to you in Heaven.  Save a place for us.  

Twenty-six years ago today,
Was our son’s birthday,
The thirtieth of March in 1985,
Was the special day that he arrived.

What a day of wondrous joy,
To give birth to our precious boy,
We had a daughter and now a son,
What a feeling of perfection.

Almost four years ago our son passed away,
On a beautiful September day,
The moon was full, the stars were bright,
As he was walking enjoying the night.

A freak accident, in seconds he was dead,
What words can ever be said?
Twenty-two years full of adventure and life,
Were suddenly gone, as cut with a knife.

All the years of love and devotion,
Disappeared, like the tides in an ocean,
I am left floundering on the shore,
Wondering what I am here for.

Searching for answers, searching for peace,
Praying at some point this pain will cease,
Remembering a birthday that won’t be,
Is still unbelievable to me.

In loving memory of Graham - my new license plate.

Across Dimensions

If mediums can talk to you,
I should be able to,
No one could be closer,
To you than your mother.

I long to consciously communicate,
No matter how long it will take,
I am working hard each day,
Searching to find the way.

If everything is energy,
Vibrating at different frequencies,
I know it’s possible to tune in,
The secret is to go within.

I now see the world with different eyes,
There is so much more to realize,
The here and now is much too small,
To ever be able to explain it all.

To see, touch, hear, taste, and smell,
Are all very well,
But there are other senses to uncover,
Intuition and psychic abilities to discover.

Looking for messages and signs,
Tuning in to the divine,
I know you watch and wait for me,
Until I am able to see.

What has always been right here,
When we move beyond our fear,
I am coming, it won’t be long,
The bond of love is much too strong.

To ever keep us far apart,
Because you beat within my heart,
Two hands reaching across dimensions,
With love and joy beyond comprehension.

Happy St. Patrick's Day, Graham!

This picture was taken on St. Patrick's Day in 2006.  Graham put on this St. Patrick's Day hat that I had for a decoration and held up his bottle of beer for a funny picture.  I always make corned beef and cabbage and Irish soda bread every year for St. Patrick's Day.  Graham always enjoyed this meal.  It's another occasion that brings mixed feelings with it.  I wish that Graham could be sharing this day and meal with us again.  Always in our hearts, our precious son.

The Little Things

Notice the little things in life each day,
Gratefully acknowledge and praise,
As your day is about to begin,
Focus on what matters and go within.

Take pleasure in being alive,
We are not meant just to survive,
Smile at the people you see,
Be as pleasant as you can be.

Do you know someone who is sad?
Be thoughtful and help them to feel glad,
Kind words and good deeds,
Mean so much when you’re in need.

Be a mentor, be a friend,
Help a broken heart to mend,
Move beyond yourself,
Reach out and be a help.

Thank God for blessings large and small,
With humble acceptance for them all,
In all hardships and terrible pain,
Strive to find the greater gain.

With Divine love and spiritual light,
Comfort and keep our spirits bright,
Fill our hearts with joy and love,
With heavenly blessings from above.

A Meaningful Day

I had a meaningful day yesterday. The grief workshop was well-attended and I and the other panel members were able to have a very helpful interchange with the audience concerning the grief process. It was also good talking with the people I met at my book signing afterward.

 

Dance With the Divine

I want to dance with life's melody,
In perfect joy and harmony,
No discordant notes to hear,
Just lovely music in my ear.

With the rhythm I will flow,
Twirling and bending as I go,
Gracefully moving, in perfect accord,
With the steps I came here for.

In attunement with the divine,
Aware that everything is by design,
The strains of love will always play,
To gently lift my cares away.

Grief Workshop and Book Signing

I will be a participant in a panel presentation for the Mary Washington Healthcare Grief 101 workshop on Saturday, March 5 (3:00 to 4:00). The topic will be "Picking up the Pieces: Hope is not Lost," and the panel will share their experiences of grief and what has given them hope since their loved one died.  I will also be doing a book signing following the workshop.  Everyone interested is invited to attend the workshop and book signing.  The location is Joseph-Beth Booksellers behind the Spotsylvania Mall (the address is Joseph-Beth Booksellers, The Village at Spotsylvania Towne Centre, Fredericksburg, VA, 22407).   If you plan to attend the workshop, please register with Diane Ebenal of Mary Washington Hospice by email at diane.ebenal@mwhc.com or by calling 540-741-2377.

Give Me Strength

     Last week I was surprised after a visit to our ER to discover that I required a hospital stay.  I ended up needing surgery.  The night before my operation I was apprehensive and started crying.  I got out my pen and paper and started writing.  This is what I wrote, a prayer.  I read this many times before I went into surgery the next morning and felt relatively calm.  My surgery went well and I am making good progress in recovering. 

Tired and weary, scared and sad,
I don’t want to feel this bad,
Emotionally I’ve plumbed the depths,
When I lost my son to death.

Now I face physical pain,
To have my health back again,
Tomorrow will be my surgery,
I pray it goes successfully.

Heavenly helpers one and all,
Hear my heart’s call,
I place myself within your hands,
Surrendering to what is planned.

Come and stay close to me,
Sheltering and supporting protectively,
With your love and healing rays,
Give me strength for upcoming days.

Love Is Forever

Rainbows and blossoms, and butterfly wings,
In the air the mockingbirds sing,
Signs and messages sent with your love,
Comfort for me from Heaven above.

Our love is timeless, forever and true,
You are present in all that I do,
In my mind, and safe in my heart,
Gone, but never truly apart.

Happy Valentine’s Day, Graham

Bridging the Gap

Even with knowing that all is one,
I just want to see my son,
I know that death is only a transition,
But while on earth I desperately miss him.

Help me to bridge this gap,
To move beyond ego's trap,
The mind is what keeps us apart,
Oneness comes from the heart.

My heart has been broken,
It is torn and open,
I am learning as I process my grief,
But every day I still weep.

Love is the vehicle for our soul,
It is in love that we grow,
The past is memory, the future is imagination,
Today is our creation.

I want to move beyond this 3-D  world,
To see my spiritual gifts unfurl,
To find inner purpose and meaning in life,
Being happy despite all strife.

No Crybabies

     Graham worked one summer at a graphic design business that made vinyl graphics for vehicles and businesses.  One business owner wanted to have a sign that said " No Crybabies" on his entry door.  Graham designed this sign for him. This business is on a road I drive on most every day. I look at the door each time I pass by, and think of  my beloved Graham.

I often see the Pro-Trucks store,
With the graphic you designed on their door,
The graphic that reads,
"No Crybabies."

I was thinking,
(As I was weeping),
That I must be strong,
But this road is long.

With many downs and ups,
I feel as if I am on the cusp,
Of a different direction,
A course correction.

Is your graphic a message for me,
A reminder of what not to be?
I want to laugh and to smile,
Knowing every moment we shared was worthwhile.

That no matter the length of time,
 I was blessed to call you mine,
I’ll remember and cherish,
Because our love will never perish.